I updated the journal. Now I update here.
I am not feeling good.
I mean, emotionally I feel fine - Finally.
But physically, I think I feel like crap.
You know how you feel like crap the day before you get sick?
How it starts out just feeling kind of tired and relaxed, then quickly escalates to antsy and irritable, then you start biting the heads off your children?
No?
Well that's how I feel at the moment.
But emotionally, I really do feel so much better. I got the loop to stop. It may start up again, I don't know, but so far, so good. Over 24 hours now, and still no film of October 21 going over and over and over.
So that's good.
These last couple days of Statistics are killing me.
I still have at least a 92%.
But I'm not clear on a lot in this last chapter, and there's lots to do before the Thursday morning final.
But the thought that by noon on Thursday I will be finished will ALL my General Education classes...
That I only have a few measly english classes and a swimming class, basically for fun, that in about 122 days I'll be graduating, that really makes me happy.
But for now, concentrate on Statistics.

Stupid Charleen went to Ireland on business without reminding me.
We work at the same company and I hardly ever get to see her.
But we talk on the phone more often. So that's good.
But not when she's in Ireland.

I want Cinequest to start already.
And I want Charleen to give me the days off that I want off when I tell her I want them off, dammit.
I mean, I love you Charleen.

Did I mention that I stuck Itsy's head in the toilet? But only for a minute.

I need to go to bed. I hope I feel well in the morning because I have too much work and homework to do.

I think part of my writer's block here and in the journal (mostly in the journal) has to do with having teenagers. I used to be able to tell so many funny, cute stories about the kids. But teenagers are neither funny, nor fun, nor cute. They are a lot of hard work and can be terrifying.

I mean, I still love them, and I wouldn't give them up, but there's not much fun to write about them. Usually.

So anyway. Every time the prospect of just giving up on this blog and the journal comes up, I renew my goal to at least write here. So here I am. I'm going to try harder to update here, even if it's boring - I'm going to go back to trying to write only for myself. Maybe I'll even cut out the comments section to make sure. We'll see.

trying to write

I updated the journal but it's nothing special - trust me.

I'm so scared to start school this semester with all the units that I HAVE to take if I want to graduate when I want to graduate. And yet I am so excited also. Very conflicted. But a new school year is always exciting anyway, eh?

I have to attend school one evening a week, Tuesday from 6pm to 9:15pm. I have not told the kids this yet. It's better to surprise them with that sort of information to avoid giving them time to make plans. However, once they find out...

I may have to pay Spike big money to make sure Buffy does not get into trouble. Then I have to pay someone to keep Spike out of trouble...

Somebody sign up to help me with my Algebra homework.

And help me with Spanish.

I watched Monster-in-Law last night. I was less than impressed. In fact, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. And I was expecting to like it. Oh well.

Deadwood was very very good. THAT one I recommend. Calamity Jane is back in Season Two, right? Don't tell me she just dropped off after a few episodes.

On Buffy's webpage she lists the people she wants to meet as: Brooke McQueen, Harrison, Josh, Carmen, Lily, Nicole and Mary Cherry. 10 points if you know what she's talking about.

Let me bother you all one more time. I'm having a heck of a time trying to come up with the subject for two of my assignments. If I let you guys give me ideas, it won't be cheating because I still have to write the story myself, right? That's what I think. But anyway, here are the assignments I'm stuck on:

Right one story twice from two points of view. First from someone of a vastly different age than you, such as a child or a 90 year old. Then write the same story from the point of view of someone only ten years older or younger than yourself. 750 words each.

So, any ideas?

Second story: A married man and woman are sleeping upstairs in the morning. The woman hears a disturbance downstairs and goes down to investigate. At the end of the story, she returns upstairs. You fill in the rest, 750 words.

Now I have the most difficulty with this one. Because A) if your husband is right next to you in bed and there's a disturbance downstairs, do you really go investigate or do you wake up your husband? Especially if it really is morning. I mean, Girl Power and all, but the man has a better chance with an intruder. So the disturbance must be something the woman is expecting. Like from the children, or she's expecting a visitor. What do you all think? Any ideas for the story?

So just give me a comment if you have any ideas. I'll do the writing, you just be my muse.

Okay, here is one of the poems that I turned in. I don't think it's great, I think it could be "okay" if I worked on it some more. A lot more. I guess I think it has potential, haha, but I think right now this is like a C poem, myself. I'm not stressing about it too much because I have no intention of ever becoming a poet in this current life. Anyway, a small part of me enjoys some of it, so I'm just going to share anyway.

Choosing a friend

Floor to ceiling books
The antidote to loneliness
My dusty musty friends
Always shouting for attention
You’d think they were the silent type
But no
They clamor for my notice
Pick me! Pick me!
My ears ache reading the titles.
Nancy babbles of clues
found in an old clock
behind the pavilion
And the Bobsey’s
cold from sledding
ask to drink hot cocoa
With Heidi in the Alps
On the top shelf
Behind the gold leaf
Katharina loudly debates mustard and beef
With the Phoenix
While the Turtle sits quietly
And waits for later years
My hand reaches out
The chorus grows louder
My fingers rest on Grimm
The originals
A tragic bloody ending
My favorite friend of all.

Okay, are you ready for Poem #2???

You ARE???

Wierdos.
:-)

Aptos Coffee Roasting

Two fast cups, I recite
The Saturday morning ritual
One poppy seed, extra toasted
with sundried tomato
one pesto with butter
I hand the cash in my hand
To the man with the ponytail
Bring one coffee to my man
His nose in his book
Saul Bellow.
My coffee goes back to the counter
Pour the cream, tear open
Four packets of sugar
He looks up and grimaces
Sugar ruins coffee, he says
Again.
One poppy seed! One pesto!
Yells the ponytail man
I take the silver envelopes and sit in my chair
Open my literature book, he puts down
Saul Bellow
Prepares his bagel sips his coffee
And I sit and watch the people

Outside the window
The surfers sip their coffee
in the fog
The little red haired boy runs in
With his red haired mother
They walk past the tables
Where the outgrown hippies sit
I’m in a band, says one
We do Black Sabbath covers,
mostly.
We just need a drummer
And a lead singer.
I smile to myself and look up
My man is smiling too.

I bite my bagel, sip my coffee
The pesto and cheese go well with the sugar
I think.

I just had to write my very first poem ever, not counting silly little haiku, for one of my classes. It's not a graded poem, it was just part of an assignment, but even though I was scared to death to even attempt it (I do NOT write poems!) I did it and I kind of like it.

So here it is:

Breathe

I breathe
I inhale I exhale
I gasp gulp and gasp again
So easily done
For ordinary people
They breathe air
They sit and watch TV
They do their chores they pay their bills
Behind the glass windows
Outside I consume their dinner smells

In one two
Out one
In one two
Out one

I breathe
I gasp I gulp
My lungs on fire
They cannot contract
My heart does not pound
Just a solid presence
Keeping me alive
My lungs cannot keep up
They inhale - not enough
They exhale - not fast enough

In one two
Out one
In one two
Out one

The air is cold
It burns it freezes
Fills me with life
Keeps me from death
Heart wordlessly pounds on
I cannot hear it
Cannot feel it
Focus on breathing
Inhaling, Exhaling

In one two
Out one

Gasping
Gulping
Living

I decide to run another mile.

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still trying
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Idea Tutor needed, apply here.
More poems? Egad!
"Write about your favorite place," the professor said
Breathe, my pathetic little poem

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