So in 24 hours I have lost:

1. my book of stamps
2. my Volver dvd
3. my glasses and their case

All three things have been sitting on the dining room table, and granted, my dining room table is covered with papers and books and crap. But they were all three RIGHT HERE, and one by one I have discovered they are missing. I carefully sifted through ALL the papers, and nada. No estan aqui.

Maybe the dvd put on my glasses and used the stamps to mail itself to somewhere cooler. Blah.

So yesterday I got a summons for Superior Court jury duty.

The week I am on the cruise.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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No. I am not going.

There is an old lady walking around the Aptos Starbucks where I am sitting...

Wearing a tank top, no bra, and a completely sheer skirt.

And nothing else.

No underwear.

A sheer skirt.

Completely.

See-through.

Ugh.

What the HELL??? Seriously, who the heck is this?? I am speechless.

I just typed up an email using the word "COOOOOL" and when it spell-checked it stopped at that word, of course, but suggest this in replacement:

COCOBOLO

And I'm like, Whu - ?

But then I looked it up on Dictionary.com, and sure enough, it is a word!

I just thought that was funny.

So what did you name your new company?

"Phat Crack"

You're kidding?

Nope.

Guess who will be at our Barnes and Noble tonight signing his new book?

Donnie Osmond.

And I want to go real bad just to take a picture of him, but I have no intention of buying his book and so I'm not sure what the point would be. It's not real close by so I probably won't go, but who knows. Maybe ya'll will see a photo of Buffy and Donny posted tomorrow.

Of course, the kids reaction to the news was "Who??".

Filed under "My bizarro referral for the Day".

Can someone tell me why this website has a link to my own personal funeral wishes??? Am I a good link for Funeral Savings because I say I don't want any money wasted on flowers? What the heck???

Every time I hear about Dr. Laura I think about how much I hate her, but I just realized I never think about *why* I hate her.

I used to listen to her on the radio all the time, years and years ago. But then, the last year of my marriage, my husband kept throwing out to me that I needed to listen to Dr. Laura to save our marriage, because she would tell me that I should have sex with him every night, or three times a night, or whatever amount it was that was going to keep him happy.

And I used to think, "Why don't YOU listen do Dr. Laura? Have you EVER listened to Dr. Laura??? Because first of all, she's really big on the mother ALWAYS STAYING HOME WITH HER CHILDREN," which the EX was absolutely against, he wanted me to put the kids in day care and get a job, but also, I'm pretty frickin damn sure she wouldn't approve of his extramarital affairs. But if there's one thing my husband never had, it was sense or logic, so there was no arguing this point wiht him

So even though I knew Dr. Laura would probably knock him over the head with a VW Bus if she had the chance, she was still being thrown in my face every day as the person with all the answers. So somehow I just connect her in my mind with that last stupid year of marriage.

I don't know what this post means or why I'm putting it here. I guess I just find it interesting how I psychologically connect her as a part of the end of my marriage.

So I used to have ATT for my cell phone, and then I was notified that my service was being changed to Cingular. So I didn't care, whatever, as long as I can use the phone and my bill doesn't go up. So I start getting the Cingular bill and I pay it, TOTALLY, and IN FULL. And so I got paid on June 15 and right away went to the web site and paid the June bill, IN FULL, and today I go to use my phone and it is SHUT OFF. For NON-PAYMENT.

So I go to the website and there it is, plain as day, I'm all paid up, IN FULL, and don't owe ANYTHING.

So I called them.

And they said "Well you owe for your ATT bill."

I said, "The fuck I do, I pay you every single month."

They said, "No, you were getting two different bills, BOTH IN CINGULAR ENVELOPES, but the bills" (supposedly) "look completely different so it was very very obvious that it's different."

Me: Well not THAT fucking obvious because I never noticed it, and if I pay my bill one day, and receive another fucking Cingular envelope the next day, wouldn't I assume that the bill crossed with my payment?

Cingular: No, because they have different account numbers on them.

Me: Isn't my account number MY PHONE NUMBER? Since that's what I write on my payment???

Cingular: No. And it is obvious and you have to pay for this.

And you know what? I don't have any problem paying the damn bill. I really don't. It's the fact that when they changed companies they sent a letter that I did read, that said we didn't have to do anything, but that we would get a new bill with Cingular on it. And so A) Why would we think that we would be getting TWO bills if the company just changed ownership, and B) This guy was fucking rude about it.

So I told them to shut off the damn phone, and I called up T-Mobile. Now I'm getting a better plan, twice as many minutes for less money, and another free phone with camera AND video camera.

Fuck you Cingular. Yeah, I have to pay a cancellation fee, but not only can I afford it, I would rather pay that and be rid of them than continue to give my service to them. This is all the point of the matter.

Charleen recommended T-Mobile, and within five minutes of the Cingular call I was signed up, with the same phone number. After my phone call, which was in my cubicle here at work, where I was loudly exclaiming "That is WRONG. No it is NOT, it is WRONG and YOU KNOW IT, and you can SHUT OFF the damn phone anyway, I DON'T CARE, and I don't want ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" Now everyone says they can see that Charleen and I have been friends for a long time. Hee.

Umm... Does anyone else see a ghostly image on the left in this picture at my father's memorial?

Just a couple new pictures at Flickr.

So I don't know if any of you looooong-time readers remember this, but waaay back in the day I wrote a lot about "Jeff", a pretty big love of mine who I still work with. And then "Sarah" started working as my officemate, her and Jeff had known each other a long time, and started going out again, and giving me a complete headache about it, and then she immediately got pregnant and then came the shotgun wedding... do any of you remember? I don't know if you do because I ended up having to delete most entries about it after Sarah, not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, managed to discover I had an online journal. So to remind you, I was completely against this wedding because I knew she was out for one thing, his money, which he had worked very hard for, and she quickly got pregnant a second time and managed to make his life miserable because she really is a spoiled brat, and complained constantly that they never had any money even though she quit her job immediately upon the birth of the first child, and "Jeff" took a second job, meaning he drove from his house 90 minutes to this job, worked 9 hours, and then worked a second job as Security at the HP Pavilion downtown, then drove the commute back home, only to do it again and again and again. She calls him easily 30 times a day just to bitch at him, it's really quite unbelievable since he owned a house when he married her, rented that one out and bought a bigger one to make her happy, she drives a brand new Volvo and pretty much gets anything she wants, including plenty of big vacations all year long.

Without going into even more details, the marriage went on word for word exactly how I called it.

And now I hear he has filed for divorce. He is terrified of losing his kids, even of just having them weekends, and I don't know any other details of the divorce, but I am really really happy for him. Not seeing his kids every day is going to kill him, but it's better he get out of this marriage NOW. I am pretty proud of him for doing this. Cut your loses Dude.

And for the record, I care about him very much, but left him because I knew it would never ever work with us, so there is no danger of me EVER leaving Scott for him (the idea is quite laughable really) but I cared enough to not want his life ruined, and now that she's done a good job of it, I'm glad he's getting out.

That's it for now.

So I had to have the tooth pulled, and they put a bridge in. Not that fun. Didn't hurt though. Lots of drugs. And since I hadn't eaten all day (well, ya know, I had a broken tooth, and then went to my 1:30pm appointment and didn't get my tooth worked on until 5 frikkin PM!!!!!) so right as soon as they pulled the tooth I went into shock and they all freaked out and started fanning me and yelling "DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T CLOSE THEM! NO! OPEN YOUR EYES!!!" and "CALL THE DOCTOR! NOW! QUICK!"

Anyway, all better now. Lotsa drugs. Can't talk yet. Swollen face. But no pain.

Okay, I was on my way to bed, but I can't pass up a chance to make fun of Tara Reid. Go look at her boobs actually hanging out of her dress. Tara, Honey, have some coffee.

edit: the current picture now is a very very large closeup of Tara's nipple - so be prepared for that. I was initially referring to the pictures under that one.

Well now I can't write about Supervisor until Wednesday because she didn't show today, and now is set to come back by Wednesday morning.
This has been quite an interesting ten days so far.

Who knew Supervisor would end up fucking her own self, and in such a dramatic way?

GAWD we're having a great time in Accounting right now.

From Mary, the CPA who told BigBoss that Supervisor is mean: "I don't know what that woman is so stressed about, you guys seem to do all her work."

Amen. We've all three been saying that for quite some time.

That's wierd... I just got a spam from someone with the same first and last name of the crackhead boyfriend. Now, his first name is common, but the last name is very unusual. And it was one of those drug spams, haha!
Well...
Hope he's making some money for himself, heh.

I think it's funny sometimes that in real life I use quite a lot of bad words... When I ran the roofing division at my company those were the only words the roofers understood.

But I cannot usually bring myself to type them out when I write, or post on a board. Something about having it there in writing, for anyone to see, I guess, haha.

In front of the kids though, No, I never curse at them, rarely in front of them, and Buffy swears she's never heard me swear. Except that one time at a swim meet when I was playing a game with her and her friends, and I did something really stupid that cost me the game and I said "Oh SHIT!" and then "Uh Oh," and then "I didn't really say that Kids!!!"

The kids thought it was hilarious. I didn't, heh. But anyway, I don't know what the point of this post is. I was just on a board and wanted to type "That's fucking GREAT!" because that's what I would have said in real life, but I couldn't make myself do it. And I just thought it was funny.

On the other hand, sometimes you do see me swear here, and that's when you should know I'm *really* mad, heh.

< /silly post>

I *guess* this is a good idea to offer, but I won't be donating *my* nice wonderful tax refund money.
I'm just selfish that way.

Found via Mocksie, Paint by Numbers!!!!

$2,400 to keep your dead partners genitalia preserved on your wall.
Click on "Process" after you read the home page. You need to get legal authorization before death.
I can just picture Scott's face.
"Hon, could you please sign this so I can have your dick cut off after you die? Don't worry, they will preserve it 'with utmost care' and I'll make sure to dust it every week!"
Link via Bisa

What a great idea! I am soooo going to do that!

Okay, so if you didn't know, because I never talk about it, I am very very into this feng shui stuff. It doesn't take much of it before you realize that at the very least it makes your house look nice and personally, it takes a lot of my stress away. I started getting my house done when we first moved in, but then got so busy with Scott I didn't have time to finish and then the house started slowly getting filled with crap here and there.
So it's a new year and we're starting over. We have cleared out so much stuff (you don't even notice piled up crap after it's been there awhile) and have rearranged things and put fountains everywhere, got a new fish for the entryway, getting rid of the old fish tank, I found some great windchimes at Amazon that I'll get pretty soon...

But there are two things I still need (or rather, would really like) to finish the job. Those little hanging crystal spheres, and some segmented bamboo flutes. Now I would think a little bamboo flute would be like $5 or less, but no, they are over $20 a pop. And the crystals are over $10 each. This is ridiculous!!!

So I'm wondering if anyone knows of a good place online where I can buy these, or if you've ever seen any little bamboo flutes at a certain discount store near you? I don't know if those crystals are expensive just here in California, La-La Land... maybe they sell them cheap in Kansas?

If anyone can get either of those things for me cheap, I'll be happy to pay you!!

WHAAAAAT??

Britney Spears got married Saturday????
Sound like she may have been drinking a bit much...
I checked today's date, it's not April 1st!

The only thing I really wanted for Christmas that I didn't get.

NO! Just kidding! I would NEVER have that in my house, *seriously*.

Taken from Mocksie's page,
Turn your sound on and watch:
The Donuts

Woman faces misdemeanor charge for selling sex toys.

Are souffles strong? I'm thinking not so much, haha.
But thanks anyway, Trinity.
(Private joke, heee)

Found this at StumbleBee, and it's so funny I have to show you too in case you didn't see it over there.
Poopies

What to do when I'm dead.

My newest future Goal:
Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk
I've always wanted to do this, but never hear about it until a week before.
This one is in October - and gives everyone plenty of chance to join.
It would be great to have a Diaryland group walking together.
I have my entry form now, and plenty of time to plan for it!

Diarist.net Awards

Ya'll are going through all the entries so you can vote, right?
Okay.
I'm having a problem choosing "Best Rant".
I'm a pretty big fan of the rant myself, heh, and I love all three of those.
That's the best thing about the Awards, you get to read new things you never would have seen before.

Update found Here.

I don't really know what silk worms look like, but I'm picturing maggots.
We'll not be getting that for Christmas.

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