My sleep schedule has gone all out of whack since the triathlon.
Normally a night owl AND a morning owl, this week I've been going to bed earlier and earlier, and getting up even earlier.

Last night I was crashing before 8pm. I did manage to play several Words With Friends games from bed, but I was out pretty early.

In the morning I woke up bright eyed. Everything was still dark, but it usually is at 6am in May. I got up, made coffee, looked at the clock...

It was 4:15am. WTF.

I suppose if this keeps up then I can get on a different workout schedule, maybe really go swim at 5:30am, or run or something. Or if I get a different job, at least I'll be used to waking up early again -- not that I didn't before, I am usually up by 6:30 at the latest, and I don't work until 11am.

So I haven't decided if I like this or not. I sort of do. I also think it would be nicer if someone else was up with me. Even silently reading the paper.

But I'm sure that's in my future somewhere.

Just got an email from DirecTV that my account was very past due and about to be shut off.

Which is interesting since I have automatic payment and there is MOST DEFINITELY money in the bank.

So I called them up, and the agent didn't know why they hadn't charged my account last month, but it was the second time he'd seen this happen this month. He said he would be happy to remove that late fee.

How nice of him.

And he can charge my account now for last month, but since we're doing it over the phone he'll have to charge me a $5 service fee.

No. No you will not charge me a $5 service fee for something you were supposed to do last month without me calling to tell you to do it.

He said I could do it for free online.

I said No, he could do it right now so I don't lose my service.

He decided I was right. He credited the late fee and charged last month's bill to my account, did NOT charge me a service fee, and is going to "personally see to it" that my account gets charged on time next month.

Of course he is.

Ross_Owen: How weird. I just received a package. A vacuum cleaner meant for someone in San Jose.

It's both hilarious and mind-boggling that people all the way in Scotland know that I am waiting for my stupid vacuum cleaner. Not that Buy.com cares.

I have four dates with three different women in two days. (Friend dates)
And Saturday I have a gallery showing to attend.
And next week a musical to review.
And Cinequest friends are planning another evening soon.

Ten days ago I felt all alone in the world. Now I don't have enough time to give.

This beats lonely any day.

I have suddenly become Miss Popular. How did THIS happen??
I seriously need to start using my calendar planner to keep track of things.

We'll see how long it takes before I get tired of this and go back to hiding in my hole.

I tried to look up resolutions from last year but I guess I didn't make any official ones. I know that I've had a perpetual resolution of losing weight, and I ACCOMPLISHED IT WOOOOO, and I also know the triathlon was on my list, and I accomplished that too. Overall I did accomplish a lot in 2009. Here are my resolutions for 2010:

1. Watch less TV. Dude, I watch a lot of TV, especially working from home. But the TV has been off for two weeks now, let's see if I can keep it up.l

2. Complete an Olympic length triathlon. I have one on schedule for June 13.

Eh, I think that's good enough. If I keep training for the triathlon I will lose these last 35 pounds, so I'm not going to make a resolution. I do need to get a full time job soon, so I should work on that. But otherwise, I think less TV will be better for my brain and allow me to read more books, and the triathlon will work over my body.

Love and friendships are all in line to shape up without needing a resolution.
Hope all of you have a wonderful New Year too!

Decade statistics

I've been thinking back to the last ten years, and this is what the Oughts brought me:

Ten years ago tonight I spent a nice quiet evening at home with Mr. Tweaker. It wasn't a bad night.

The first five years of the 2000s brought me:
The last horrible years with Mr. Tweaker
The unrequited pursuit of Eliza
A burned down house
Two dead cats
A dead father
A new job
A dead mother
An extra 88 pounds

The second five years of the 2000s brought me:
An Associates Degree
An inheritance
Several vacations
A Bachelors Degree
A dead grandmother
A long and happy relationship with Scott
Work with Cinequest
Friends who love film
Minus 35 pounds
A horrible break up
The best friend I've ever had
The realization of who I am

Overall, the Oughts sucked. But there were very good things: Scott, the job, Cinequest, Erin.

Here's hoping the Teens go much better. I refuse to say "Bring it!" like I see many others of you do, because the last time I tempted fate my house burned down within 24 hours. I will not be tempting fate again. I will only ask for fate to be kinder to us all in this decade. I could use some kindness, so could Scott, so could Erin, so could my kids, so could the rest of the World.

Erin was going through a lot of my family pictures last night.
"Your husband doesn't look like such a bad guy," she commented.
"That's the PROBLEM," I said, "He looks so handsome and sweet [these were old pics] and he can be so charismatic, that no one ever believes what went on behind closed doors."
She looked at me and I wasn't sure what she was thinking.
"He let me stand in food lines to feed his kids while he was driving around in a brand new convertible mustang and bought a house he couldn't afford," I told her. I pointed to a picture of ex-boyfriend Joe. "I forgive this guy for burning down my house before I'll forgive Armando for what he did to his wife and children."

And it's true. Joe may have been out of his mind but he didn't burn the house down on purpose. Joe never would have done ANYTHING to hurt those kids. What Armando did (and does) is willful and on purpose, with full knowledge of the consequences. When it comes down to it, he thinks only about himself. ALWAYS.

I hold Joe's problems against him. But not the house fire. Despite his problems, he did whatever he could to take care of me and the kids, and he certainly paid more attention to those kids than Armando did. Being there in the good times does not make you a good parent. Taking care of your responsibilities and being there always, that makes you a good parent.

So once again Armando Corral is refusing to pay his child support. At least this time he's only delinquent since October. But he has no intention of working to catch up yet. According to his wife he's been working side jobs while collecting unemployment (interesting admission there) but the unemployment has run out so now he can't pay child support. And she thought I should be sympathetic because they aren't able to pay for their mortgage. Oh, the mortgage on the house you bought (along with the brand new convertible Mustang) while I was standing in food lines to feed his children? Was he sympathetic to us then?

I pointed out to her (because as usual, he sent her to fight his battles, something no real man would do, but then again, a real man would get a job and support his children) that he appeared to be eating, VERY well, so since he didn't appear to be standing in food lines, that I was NOT going to be sympathetic, and at any rate, their mortgage was not my concern, MY CHILD SUPPORT is my concern. Also pointed out: I am the sole person taking care of his TWO children, while he is a deadbeat father living with two other working adults.

"We do help support them, we feed them sometimes."

Seriously?

Who paid for their cars, pays for their car insurance and registration, who pays their medical insurance (even though court papers say HE is supposed to pay), who pays their medical bills, who rents a house big enough for them to live in, and pays the electricity, gas and water along with groceries to feed TWO almost adult siblings three+ meals a day, who pays their school activities and all the myriad other extras?

And then who feeds them a meal or two a week?

I told her he was a lazy bum and SHE KNOWS he's a lazy bum. Then she started to lose it, because I am the one person she can't paint a rosy picture to. "He's a lazy bum who CAN get a job and you and I BOTH KNOW IT," I told her, "I was married to him TOO, I know and YOU know, he can GET A JOB, he's just a LAZY BUM who doesn't WANT to work."

That sent her blood pressure up through the roof, but we all know -- I DON'T CARE. She fucked him while we were married, she wanted him, now she's got him. An unemployed, lazy bum. I have been employed non-stop since I kicked him out, I stood in food lines, I accepted donations, I got scholarships, I did whatever it took to take care of those kids all by myself.

So, Armando (Solis) Corral. Are you going to be a man? Are you going to get a job and pay your child support? We shall see.

I saw the drunkest man ever this morning, 9:30am.

I was waiting at a stop light after my early morning trip to the hardware store, and I saw this man wavering down the sidewalk. He stopped and took a moment to get his balance standing in one place. The he took the top off the cup he was holding, took a long swig of it, stood still a second, then wavered off again. He took about 20 steps (!!) (only!!!) and stopped again, but took a bit longer to get his balance. Then repeated the drink/walk/stop process.

Awesomely hilarious. Exceptionally sad. But... yeah, who am I kidding, it was funny.

I'm about to go to bed after reading another chapter of Guillermo Del Toro's very fine book "The Strain". Crazy apocalyptic vampire novel which I should not be reading before bed. I'm just hoping I don't have another bad dream like last night. However, I am not sure how you would really interpret this dream:

I was locked in a bathroom stall with a vicious werewolf outside the door, clawing and howling and trying its best to get me inside the stall. I was terrified and it really was a nightmare. But then...
Then Dwight Schrute (from The Office) was in the bathroom with me, outside the stall with the werewolf, though the werewolf only wanted to attack me. And Dwight said:

"FACT: Werewolfs can be killed by Scrubbing Bubbles!" And a can of Scrubbing Bubbles appeared in my hand. I shook it up real good and sprayed the werewolf from under the stall. He stopped scratching and barking and just went to sleep.

And that was the end of my nightmare!

I really don't want to dream like that again tonight.

So last night I had a dream that Ashton Kutcher told me he was going to have the surgery required to turn him into a woman. This was what he really wanted, and it was going to make him happy.

But it didn't make me happy, because in my dream Demi Moore was my mother. And I was sad for her.

I don't care about these people in real life, I have no idea why they invaded my dreams last night. Hopefully they go haunt someone else tonight.

Oh, and after that I dreamed I was in my new, gigantic office (with a DOOR!) and was decorating it. Hah!

And now I go to sleep as I'm getting up at 6:30am to get to the gym.
12 pounds lost since April 12.

We got our lawn mower out of the shop Friday (vacuum too!) and so I decided to battle the yard yesterday. Bad enough that the lawn was a bit overgrown when the mower broke, but then we had loads of sun and rain which caused the lawn to grow further at a very fast rate. So what we ended up with was this.

Despite my eyes watering just from stepping out there to take a picture, I grabbed the lawn mower, pushed down on it to cut at a 45 degree angle, and started pushing. Fifteen minutes later the yard looked like this. When you get that outcome and realize how proud of yourself you are, you should realize that you should get your lawn mowed more often. So I kept pushing the mower around with my eyes squinshed shut, but eventually opened them. And do you know what I saw?

Snails. Everywhere. Every square foot of mowed lawn had big snails, little snails, running snails, dead snails, pulverized snails. Snails that had been smashed by my feet, snails that had been hacked up by the mower. Looking at the mower I realized they were crawling all over it too, even trying to get into the engine vents. Snails are not the brightest gastropod in the yard, that's for sure.

When I was finished (I only did half the yard) I came inside to rest and the next time I looked outside I saw birds swarming the yard. Happy Happy feasting birds. I don't know if they eat snails, but there were plenty of other dishes to be served in the yard. By evening I looked outside and saw a huge march of snails crawling around the patio looking for a new home - EW. And EWWWW again. But never fear, I have a large bottle of Deadline and last night I gave them a feast. A Last Supper, if you will.

This morning I looked out the window and not only saw a yard full of happy feasting birds again, but also Pischina-kitty poised under a chair watching the whole thing. I told her "No birds in the house!!" and closed the door just to make sure.

And so hopefully the snail massacre is over. I've seen enough snails to last me a lifetime, and I never liked snails to begin with. But my yard looks better now.

Next month: Pool time!

I had a dream last night:

My friend Adrienne invited me to the ballet (would never happen) at the CPA with our friend Crystal. I said yes, but then they ditched me at the elevator, and when I got downstairs they said there was no room in their taxi. So I hailed my own. After a while of driving I realized the driver was slowly driving around a deserted, dark industrial part of town. I told him to turn around and get me to the CPA or I was going to miss the ballet. Instead, he pulled into an empty lot and it was clear he was going to rape me. I wasn't scared. I just balled up my fist, slugged him in the nose as hard as I could, and told him to take me to the fucking CPA like I told him to. He started crying, but got me there anyway.

Later in the night I dreamed that I had made a bunch of cookies. I was riding my bike over by the college and found an apartment complex that catered to gay families. I walked through the halls to sell my cookies, wondering why if there was a whole community of gay families right here how come I never saw them around. One of the mothers asked if I worked at Saturday Night Live, because she thought that's what I said last time. I told her No, and she seemed disappointed. All the mothers did want to buy cookies from me though.

There was even more interesting stuff, but I can't quite remember what it was. Crazy dreams, eh?

Just for the record, the father of my children has not paid one dime of child support since October 2008. Has not held medical insurance for them, as required by the judgement, in years, has not paid for any medical bills. But most importantly, has not paid a dime in child support.

So all you local readers out there who think he's such a great guy because he throws fantastic parties and invites you to them, and you know who you are, you think about where that alcohol and food came from. He lives in a house he owns, with his wife and mother-in-law, both who have jobs, but he leaves me to support BOTH of our children without a dime of help.

And don't think I'm not planning to do something about it. This time I have money for a lawyer. We're going to get this shit taken care of this time, for good.

Edited to add: What do you know, Buffy just mentioned that her dad HAS a job, is WORKING, getting a PAYCHECK. So you know what? Fuck you Armando Corral. Really. You're an ass of even bigger proportions than I imagined.

Okay, so I had a dream last night. And it was a doozy.

I had the drug that caused people to turn into the Incredible Hulk. And I not only took some, but I also infected a large group of people, and together we were going to blow up San Jose.

Yeah, you read that right. So I took the drug, and walked out of my room at the Fairmont (??) and down the street, with all the newly Incredible Hulkilized mob of people marching the other way, getting ready to do their damage. And I was sorry that it had come to this, but things were already set in motion, so there was nothing I could do. I knew I was going to have to live my life on the run, but I figured I could get to Mexico before being discovered (by walking there, I guess).

And then I slowly woke up, and as I opened my eyes and saw my bed and Pischina-Kitty sleeping next to me, I thought, "Oh good, I'm so glad I didn't decide to blow up the city."

So anyone wants to decipher that dream, you're welcome to it. Heh.

So in 24 hours I have lost:

1. my book of stamps
2. my Volver dvd
3. my glasses and their case

All three things have been sitting on the dining room table, and granted, my dining room table is covered with papers and books and crap. But they were all three RIGHT HERE, and one by one I have discovered they are missing. I carefully sifted through ALL the papers, and nada. No estan aqui.

Maybe the dvd put on my glasses and used the stamps to mail itself to somewhere cooler. Blah.

So yesterday I got a summons for Superior Court jury duty.

The week I am on the cruise.

*
*
*
*
*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*
*
*

No. I am not going.

There is an old lady walking around the Aptos Starbucks where I am sitting...

Wearing a tank top, no bra, and a completely sheer skirt.

And nothing else.

No underwear.

A sheer skirt.

Completely.

See-through.

Ugh.

What the HELL??? Seriously, who the heck is this?? I am speechless.

I just typed up an email using the word "COOOOOL" and when it spell-checked it stopped at that word, of course, but suggest this in replacement:

COCOBOLO

And I'm like, Whu - ?

But then I looked it up on Dictionary.com, and sure enough, it is a word!

I just thought that was funny.

So what did you name your new company?

"Phat Crack"

You're kidding?

Nope.

Guess who will be at our Barnes and Noble tonight signing his new book?

Donnie Osmond.

And I want to go real bad just to take a picture of him, but I have no intention of buying his book and so I'm not sure what the point would be. It's not real close by so I probably won't go, but who knows. Maybe ya'll will see a photo of Buffy and Donny posted tomorrow.

Of course, the kids reaction to the news was "Who??".

Filed under "My bizarro referral for the Day".

Can someone tell me why this website has a link to my own personal funeral wishes??? Am I a good link for Funeral Savings because I say I don't want any money wasted on flowers? What the heck???

Every time I hear about Dr. Laura I think about how much I hate her, but I just realized I never think about *why* I hate her.

I used to listen to her on the radio all the time, years and years ago. But then, the last year of my marriage, my husband kept throwing out to me that I needed to listen to Dr. Laura to save our marriage, because she would tell me that I should have sex with him every night, or three times a night, or whatever amount it was that was going to keep him happy.

And I used to think, "Why don't YOU listen do Dr. Laura? Have you EVER listened to Dr. Laura??? Because first of all, she's really big on the mother ALWAYS STAYING HOME WITH HER CHILDREN," which the EX was absolutely against, he wanted me to put the kids in day care and get a job, but also, I'm pretty frickin damn sure she wouldn't approve of his extramarital affairs. But if there's one thing my husband never had, it was sense or logic, so there was no arguing this point wiht him

So even though I knew Dr. Laura would probably knock him over the head with a VW Bus if she had the chance, she was still being thrown in my face every day as the person with all the answers. So somehow I just connect her in my mind with that last stupid year of marriage.

I don't know what this post means or why I'm putting it here. I guess I just find it interesting how I psychologically connect her as a part of the end of my marriage.

So I used to have ATT for my cell phone, and then I was notified that my service was being changed to Cingular. So I didn't care, whatever, as long as I can use the phone and my bill doesn't go up. So I start getting the Cingular bill and I pay it, TOTALLY, and IN FULL. And so I got paid on June 15 and right away went to the web site and paid the June bill, IN FULL, and today I go to use my phone and it is SHUT OFF. For NON-PAYMENT.

So I go to the website and there it is, plain as day, I'm all paid up, IN FULL, and don't owe ANYTHING.

So I called them.

And they said "Well you owe for your ATT bill."

I said, "The fuck I do, I pay you every single month."

They said, "No, you were getting two different bills, BOTH IN CINGULAR ENVELOPES, but the bills" (supposedly) "look completely different so it was very very obvious that it's different."

Me: Well not THAT fucking obvious because I never noticed it, and if I pay my bill one day, and receive another fucking Cingular envelope the next day, wouldn't I assume that the bill crossed with my payment?

Cingular: No, because they have different account numbers on them.

Me: Isn't my account number MY PHONE NUMBER? Since that's what I write on my payment???

Cingular: No. And it is obvious and you have to pay for this.

And you know what? I don't have any problem paying the damn bill. I really don't. It's the fact that when they changed companies they sent a letter that I did read, that said we didn't have to do anything, but that we would get a new bill with Cingular on it. And so A) Why would we think that we would be getting TWO bills if the company just changed ownership, and B) This guy was fucking rude about it.

So I told them to shut off the damn phone, and I called up T-Mobile. Now I'm getting a better plan, twice as many minutes for less money, and another free phone with camera AND video camera.

Fuck you Cingular. Yeah, I have to pay a cancellation fee, but not only can I afford it, I would rather pay that and be rid of them than continue to give my service to them. This is all the point of the matter.

Charleen recommended T-Mobile, and within five minutes of the Cingular call I was signed up, with the same phone number. After my phone call, which was in my cubicle here at work, where I was loudly exclaiming "That is WRONG. No it is NOT, it is WRONG and YOU KNOW IT, and you can SHUT OFF the damn phone anyway, I DON'T CARE, and I don't want ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" Now everyone says they can see that Charleen and I have been friends for a long time. Hee.

Umm... Does anyone else see a ghostly image on the left in this picture at my father's memorial?

Just a couple new pictures at Flickr.

So I don't know if any of you looooong-time readers remember this, but waaay back in the day I wrote a lot about "Jeff", a pretty big love of mine who I still work with. And then "Sarah" started working as my officemate, her and Jeff had known each other a long time, and started going out again, and giving me a complete headache about it, and then she immediately got pregnant and then came the shotgun wedding... do any of you remember? I don't know if you do because I ended up having to delete most entries about it after Sarah, not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, managed to discover I had an online journal. So to remind you, I was completely against this wedding because I knew she was out for one thing, his money, which he had worked very hard for, and she quickly got pregnant a second time and managed to make his life miserable because she really is a spoiled brat, and complained constantly that they never had any money even though she quit her job immediately upon the birth of the first child, and "Jeff" took a second job, meaning he drove from his house 90 minutes to this job, worked 9 hours, and then worked a second job as Security at the HP Pavilion downtown, then drove the commute back home, only to do it again and again and again. She calls him easily 30 times a day just to bitch at him, it's really quite unbelievable since he owned a house when he married her, rented that one out and bought a bigger one to make her happy, she drives a brand new Volvo and pretty much gets anything she wants, including plenty of big vacations all year long.

Without going into even more details, the marriage went on word for word exactly how I called it.

And now I hear he has filed for divorce. He is terrified of losing his kids, even of just having them weekends, and I don't know any other details of the divorce, but I am really really happy for him. Not seeing his kids every day is going to kill him, but it's better he get out of this marriage NOW. I am pretty proud of him for doing this. Cut your loses Dude.

And for the record, I care about him very much, but left him because I knew it would never ever work with us, so there is no danger of me EVER leaving Scott for him (the idea is quite laughable really) but I cared enough to not want his life ruined, and now that she's done a good job of it, I'm glad he's getting out.

That's it for now.

So I had to have the tooth pulled, and they put a bridge in. Not that fun. Didn't hurt though. Lots of drugs. And since I hadn't eaten all day (well, ya know, I had a broken tooth, and then went to my 1:30pm appointment and didn't get my tooth worked on until 5 frikkin PM!!!!!) so right as soon as they pulled the tooth I went into shock and they all freaked out and started fanning me and yelling "DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T CLOSE THEM! NO! OPEN YOUR EYES!!!" and "CALL THE DOCTOR! NOW! QUICK!"

Anyway, all better now. Lotsa drugs. Can't talk yet. Swollen face. But no pain.

Okay, I was on my way to bed, but I can't pass up a chance to make fun of Tara Reid. Go look at her boobs actually hanging out of her dress. Tara, Honey, have some coffee.

edit: the current picture now is a very very large closeup of Tara's nipple - so be prepared for that. I was initially referring to the pictures under that one.

Well now I can't write about Supervisor until Wednesday because she didn't show today, and now is set to come back by Wednesday morning.
This has been quite an interesting ten days so far.

Who knew Supervisor would end up fucking her own self, and in such a dramatic way?

GAWD we're having a great time in Accounting right now.

From Mary, the CPA who told BigBoss that Supervisor is mean: "I don't know what that woman is so stressed about, you guys seem to do all her work."

Amen. We've all three been saying that for quite some time.

That's wierd... I just got a spam from someone with the same first and last name of the crackhead boyfriend. Now, his first name is common, but the last name is very unusual. And it was one of those drug spams, haha!
Well...
Hope he's making some money for himself, heh.

I think it's funny sometimes that in real life I use quite a lot of bad words... When I ran the roofing division at my company those were the only words the roofers understood.

But I cannot usually bring myself to type them out when I write, or post on a board. Something about having it there in writing, for anyone to see, I guess, haha.

In front of the kids though, No, I never curse at them, rarely in front of them, and Buffy swears she's never heard me swear. Except that one time at a swim meet when I was playing a game with her and her friends, and I did something really stupid that cost me the game and I said "Oh SHIT!" and then "Uh Oh," and then "I didn't really say that Kids!!!"

The kids thought it was hilarious. I didn't, heh. But anyway, I don't know what the point of this post is. I was just on a board and wanted to type "That's fucking GREAT!" because that's what I would have said in real life, but I couldn't make myself do it. And I just thought it was funny.

On the other hand, sometimes you do see me swear here, and that's when you should know I'm *really* mad, heh.

< /silly post>

I *guess* this is a good idea to offer, but I won't be donating *my* nice wonderful tax refund money.
I'm just selfish that way.

Found via Mocksie, Paint by Numbers!!!!

$2,400 to keep your dead partners genitalia preserved on your wall.
Click on "Process" after you read the home page. You need to get legal authorization before death.
I can just picture Scott's face.
"Hon, could you please sign this so I can have your dick cut off after you die? Don't worry, they will preserve it 'with utmost care' and I'll make sure to dust it every week!"
Link via Bisa

What a great idea! I am soooo going to do that!

Okay, so if you didn't know, because I never talk about it, I am very very into this feng shui stuff. It doesn't take much of it before you realize that at the very least it makes your house look nice and personally, it takes a lot of my stress away. I started getting my house done when we first moved in, but then got so busy with Scott I didn't have time to finish and then the house started slowly getting filled with crap here and there.
So it's a new year and we're starting over. We have cleared out so much stuff (you don't even notice piled up crap after it's been there awhile) and have rearranged things and put fountains everywhere, got a new fish for the entryway, getting rid of the old fish tank, I found some great windchimes at Amazon that I'll get pretty soon...

But there are two things I still need (or rather, would really like) to finish the job. Those little hanging crystal spheres, and some segmented bamboo flutes. Now I would think a little bamboo flute would be like $5 or less, but no, they are over $20 a pop. And the crystals are over $10 each. This is ridiculous!!!

So I'm wondering if anyone knows of a good place online where I can buy these, or if you've ever seen any little bamboo flutes at a certain discount store near you? I don't know if those crystals are expensive just here in California, La-La Land... maybe they sell them cheap in Kansas?

If anyone can get either of those things for me cheap, I'll be happy to pay you!!

WHAAAAAT??

Britney Spears got married Saturday????
Sound like she may have been drinking a bit much...
I checked today's date, it's not April 1st!

The only thing I really wanted for Christmas that I didn't get.

NO! Just kidding! I would NEVER have that in my house, *seriously*.

Taken from Mocksie's page,
Turn your sound on and watch:
The Donuts

Woman faces misdemeanor charge for selling sex toys.

Are souffles strong? I'm thinking not so much, haha.
But thanks anyway, Trinity.
(Private joke, heee)

Found this at StumbleBee, and it's so funny I have to show you too in case you didn't see it over there.
Poopies

What to do when I'm dead.

My newest future Goal:
Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk
I've always wanted to do this, but never hear about it until a week before.
This one is in October - and gives everyone plenty of chance to join.
It would be great to have a Diaryland group walking together.
I have my entry form now, and plenty of time to plan for it!

Diarist.net Awards

Ya'll are going through all the entries so you can vote, right?
Okay.
I'm having a problem choosing "Best Rant".
I'm a pretty big fan of the rant myself, heh, and I love all three of those.
That's the best thing about the Awards, you get to read new things you never would have seen before.

Update found Here.

I don't really know what silk worms look like, but I'm picturing maggots.
We'll not be getting that for Christmas.

Site
Diary
Running Diary
Pictures
Guestbook
Pischina-Ku
books

Recent Entries
Asleep before nightfall
No, DirecTV, you are Wrong.
Dust Bunnies are ready to revolt
Dudes.
Wait, I thought I was anti-social??
Resolutions
Decade statistics
Forgiveness
Deadbeat Dad
Drunk people = Funny and Sad

Categories
Blogger Idol
Books
Computer People
Diary Update
eBay
Family
Food
Friday Five
Happy!
Health
Interesting
Kids
Lara Croft
Movies
Music
News
Nothing Special
Old Blogger Entries
Pets and Pets and Pets
Politics
Quiz
Reasons for Love
Recipes
Running
School
Scott
Site Maintenance
Sports
Television
Theatre
Vehicles
Work
Writing