Lost another half pound, I'm on a roll!!! I will NOT over eat or eat (too many) bad things during Cinequest!! And luckily, if it stays nice outside, I can ride my bike Friday through Tuesday when I don't work.

Ran four really great miles, super strong. Not super fast, but VERY strong.
Buffy wanted McDonalds for dinner, GROSS. I took her to Iguana's Burritozilla place instead and ordered a small taco salad: just chicken, black beans, lettuce and a ton of salsa. And lots of water.

Tomorrow morning is laundromat and grocery shopping (for all lean, no calorie, water/carrots/salmon, or whatever, heh). Yum. BOO.

A little birdy told me my blog is boring now. Well, no kidding. Probably wouldn't be so boring if I could actually write about everything that was happening in my life. But those anonymous days are over. And I don't really have a desire to share with the world the sometimes dumb decisions I make.

But... I'm still happy. I can't deny that. I make dumb mistakes every day, I make decisions that aren't the best for me and ones that I shouldn't be making... but I wouldn't take anything back. I wouldn't change one thing. Not one.

I shouldn't be, but I am. I am happy.

Weight! Problems!

Did I mention I've been gaining weight? I write in too many places, sometimes I get confused.
But here's the thing: I kept losing weight up until around Thanksgiving. At that time I sort of spiraled into one of my depressions, mostly brought on by the holidays. Eat eat eat. Cry cry cry. Eat eat eat. Eat eat eat. Cry. Eat. And not too much exercise.

So I gained around 5 pounds, which, not bad really, for the holidays. But then it's like my metabolism just stopped again. I've been working out -- I have NOT been working out like I used to but I'm certainly working out more than most of you reading this are. (Am I right?) And I'm heading back up that scale again, just like the last few years. And now I'm back up to 191.

I don't like this. I can see it in my face again, and my new pants are getting tight. I don't like feeling as if I'll have to keep up the crazy workouts for my entire life just to keep at a standard weight.

Oh, and it's NOTICEABLE. When I got fit for my bike they were filming me riding from the side, and I watched it on a screen in front of me. All I kept thinking was "OH. MY. GOD. WHAT is THAT. I have THREE ROWS OF BOOBS." So, you know, this needs to be fixed.

So. Back we go again. I suppose it's time anyway, there are only FOUR MONTHS until I'm running that next triathlon. So it's back to one hour workouts every day. Swim, bike, run, whatever, it's going to get done. And food? Sighh. I know I'll be able to eat a little more when I really am training hard, but for the next two weeks it's going to be the following:
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch: Turkey & Swiss, mustard, whole wheat bread
Dinner: Lean chicken or fish, brown rice or whole wheat pasta, as many veggies as I can consume.

And I suppose I'll cut out the alcohol, except for the few times I get to drink with Erin. For all my talk, we don't drink together that much, and I hardly drink at home. But cutting out my Mudslide desserts will help. :) I'm not giving up my occasional Bloody Marys with Erin, but I can cut them out for a couple weeks.

So that's it. Ultra kick-start diet for two weeks, and start the real triathlon training.

I also have a full bottle of Advil. So that will help.

Okay, tomorrow's planned workout?

In the AM, swim some ungodly amount of laps, I don't know offhand, but also time myself on 800m for my #winterswim competition.

In the PM, run SEVEN MILES. Sad face.

But this is what I wanted, right? Right.

Weight Loss Challenge!

In case you didn't get to the end of that long entry below, there is a weight loss challenge that my friend Stuart is conducting, and it starts tomorrow, Sunday. So head over to the Quadrathon blog for the rules. It only costs $20 to join, and you could win much more if you do well on your weight loss.

And yes, you'll be competing with me. :)

I was fat when I started this entry, but by the time I finished it...

So I noticed Friday that my stomach appeared to be a bit bigger than it had been. I mean, my old pants are still too big, but my new pants are not as loose, and I carried most of the extra in my belly and it just seemed like the belly was bigger.

On Friday night I changed into a skirt and sweater I had wanted to wear to dinner, and the skirt had been a lot loose the last time I wore it, but that night it fit just about perfectly - if not a tad bit small.

So, yikes. Face it, I've been only sporadically getting my training done, and though I've been doing really well when I do run, it just hasn't been a consistent thing. And if I don't get back on the bandwagon, I'm going to have to lose 80 pounds again.

Also, I really should put away the breadmaker. Because I'm pretty sure that's where most of this extra weight came from.

...well Good Grief, I just stepped on the scale this second, with a full load of lunch in my belly, and while I did gain five pounds over the holidays, I haven't gained an ounce in the last two weeks.

So maybe I'm just bloated. Who knows. GAH.

But the fact is that my training has lagged, and Erin made it clear that she was still up for the Olympic distance triathlon in June - something I guess I thought she was going to bail on - so I need to get going. That means running when I'm supposed to run and swimming twice a week like I'm supposed to. GRRRR.

So my friend Stuart, an ultra-runner, created this weight loss challenge starting tomorrow - and you're all welcome to join too. Everyone who is in will buy one $20 gift card from Road Runner Sports. Then every week we email Stuart our weight, and whoever has the greatest percentage lost will be sent a gift card from someone else in the challenge. Click the link if you want all the rules, but what it means is it costs $20 to join the group, and you could conceivable win $20/week for however many weeks you have the top weight loss.

And you know all I need is a challenge.

We can mark today as the day that I got stung by a bee for the first time and NO ONE CARED.

Because Michael Jackson had the nerve to die just before this happened, my pleas for sympathy have gone completely ignored. I mean, this is IMPORTANT. Number one, because it really HURTS. Number two because I grew up being told I was likely ALLERGIC. So I could have DIED. BOO.

To make it worse, I was actually floating out in the pool. I felt a prick on my back and brushed my hand across it, then I felt the big fuzzy thing fall off my back. OH SHIT I thought and sure enough there was a bee floating in the pool. "The FUCKING NERVE of that bee!" was my first thought. My next thought was "Oh PLEASE don't be allergic!!!"

I got out of the pool right away and went into the house to tell Spike in the garage that I had just been stung and needed allergy medication immediately. We remembered Buffy had some Zyrtec so Spike ran and got it for me. I could feel the stinger was still in my back so I lay on the bed while he scraped it with a credit card because he heard that was how to get it out without squeezing more poison in. I'll give him credit for this, he responded VERY quickly and was immediately on the internet searching for what to do. He made a paste of baking soda and water and spread it on, and then brought me an ice pack.

The sucker still hurts like crazy. I'm going to be PISSED if the bees decide this is a great hobby for them. But I'm glad I don't appear to be allergic. When I was a kid I was so severly allergic to other insect bites that I had to have special medicine kept at school in case of a sting. I'm feeling fine so far but Spike is sitting in the same room with me at the computer for the next hour just to make sure everything is okay.

Yeah, I didn't die. And it's tragic what happened to Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson and now I hear Jeff Goldblum ALSO. JEEZ. I was just pretending drama about my bee sting.

Except that it DID hurt, a LOT. *sniff* And everyone should pay attention when I'm hurt, dammit!

;)

Edited to add: It appears the news of Jeff Goldblum's death is fake, although who knows. If it's true then you heard it here first, if it's fake, all the more reason to give ME sympathy.
:)

Thanks for the workout votes that you gave today. Votes decided that my workout would be SWIM today! And I did, and I got a TAN. It was a really great day for a swim actually. Maybe Wednesday will always be vote-my-workout day, haha. But I think really Wednesday will just be my swim day.

And now I'm tired. Good night.

Vote for my workout today

Today is my morning work schedule, so that means my afternoon gym schedule.
You get to participate by voting for what my workout will be today:

A) Running at the gym

B) Swimming at the gym

C) Bike ride outside

I tend to not want "C" because it will probably be hot. But I like A and B! So tell me which you think I should do!

Also: I lost .8 lbs, so now I'm only 1 pound above my lowest point. Or maybe my scale needs new batteries, haha.

I rode my bike again today to the point of lungs bursting AND legs dieing.

Came home, took two hours to gather my courage to step back on the scale. It's been three weeks since I've worked out and I can already tell the difference in my body shape. It's ROUND again. I was really scared to find out I've gained ten pounds, or 17 pounds, and have to start all over again. I was completely stressed out about seeing the scale.

I stepped on.

And I lost 2 pounds since the last weigh in. LOST two pounds!!

That's actually up 1.8 pounds since my lowest point, but down two pounds in the last 19 days.

I was so relieved my eyes sprouted tears and I almost started crying. I really am right back on track again.

There have GOT to be some sort of over-the-counter Happy Pills that I can take when this out of control PMS hits me. I'm so drug free, barely taking Tylenol or Claritin, that I have no idea what's available. Anyone? ANYONE?? I'm afraid someone is going to die the next time it hits. Do I have to go to the doctor to get something or is there something I can get at the drug store that will prevent a mass homocide (likely of my teenagers) next month? Herbal remedies? Seriously, I'll take any suggestions!

Well, it has recently become apparent that the gigantic boobs I had acquired in the last couple years are not going to survive the whole getting-in-shape thing. It was nice while they lasted.

Already my two brand new $50 bras are too big. Luckily I have so many other bras from before they got gigantic, so I have lots of almost new bras to wear. The boobs have lost a cup size and about two inches.

So it's a trade-off. Which would I rather have - Big boobs or a waist?
*
*
*
*
*
A WAIST, of course!!! Bye Bye boobs, see ya later, hope you never get that gigantic again unless I pay good money for it. And I wouldn't, cuz big boobs are sort of inconvenient.

Sixteen pounds down in six weeks. Body shape changing dramatically. Was wearing size 22 pants, now very comfortable in size 16. Was wearing size 1X in tops or XL in Mens shirts. Now a plain ole Large in regular womens.

Sorry Boobs, but I'm going to have to reject that reunion. Not going to happen.

I have upped my workouts to around 2 hours a day. I love every minute of them. I feel like the old (young) me for the first time in a long time. It's so amazing that I can go to the gym after work and stay as long as I want/need to because the kids are old enough to take care of themselves. Buffy especially has been very impressed by my hard work. She got up with me Saturday at 6:30am to go to the gym and was a little irritated to realize we were staying there all morning. She ended up napping on a gym couch while I finished my weight workout. She thinks I'm amazing, and that is a nice feeling.

But there is something else. For the last 6 months to a year, every time I looked in the mirror I was surprised and horrified at the huge monster staring back at me, huge chin, no neck, a bloated grape for a face. It's been horrible. And then to see my graduation pictures and have that swollen monster staring back at me wearing my cap and gown...

But yesterday I caught my reflection and was SHOCKED to see... the OLD ME. A pretty woman with a neck, and one nice chin, and a bright face, and cheekbones, and a happy, relaxed smile. And now I can hardly stop looking at that reflection. I am in love with it. I don't think I'm beautiful, or a 10 or anything, but I see the old me, the girl I have missed so badly, and there she is! She's here again! It's an amazing sight, and such motivation to keep going. I used to hate seeing my reflection when I worked out with the personal trainer last summer - but now I see a whole different person, and it's a girl I know so well.

I can't wait for graduation. Who knows how much I'll have lost by May 21, but it's going to be a changed woman who meets back up with her friends and professors. Even though my gown will hide the entire loss... so much of it is in my face!! I truly love my face right now, I can't even say how much.

Everything feels so good. My legs feel so good and so alive, my entire body feels alive and strong again. It's such a great feeling. I know most people don't have the time to work out for 2 hours a day, and I am really grateful that I have this opportunity.

Buffy told me today that I'll probably have to keep working out like this even after I've lost all the weight. I told her probably not for two hours, every day, but maybe half that. But really? Working out has always made me happy, made me feel very alive. Sure, it's hard at first, but after a couple weeks it really isn't hard at all, it's just like breathing life into yourself. And so I don't care if I have to work out for 2 hours a day for forever and ever and ever. It's made me a happy person again, made me happy to be alive - and you don't know how far I've been from that feeling since my mother died. It's been difficult sometimes. But now, I am here again.

I love this feeling. I love my new face. I love the brightness in my eyes. I love the strength in my back. I am in love with myself.

And that is an amazing thing.

Shower taken, eating oatmeal at 7am on a Saturday, Daughter getting up...

It's time for the gym!

To answer Kat's comment/question about whether I had cut out TacoBell during my previous attempts to lose weight, of course the answer is Yes. Honestly, this time is not much different than the other times, that is why I am a little shocked that things are suddenly working.

I really felt like my metabolism had just STOPPED. It didn't matter what I ate, how I exercised, no matter what I still gained weight. And so seriously, if I spend two weeks living on 1200 calories a day (do you know how little that is??) for two weeks and work out every day, and then gain three pounds, do you not think it is easier to eat Taco Bell for two weeks, not workout and then gain three pounds?

It's been frustrating. Extremely. And so I don't really have ANY advice for anyone who wants to copy me, because all I can say is it didn't work for the last four years, but this time it is. I have no answers.

The only possible difference is that my workouts themselves are greatly varied. Instead of just running every day, it's running, biking, elliptical, weights, etc. It's all sorts of stuff, usually at least two different things a day. So I don't know if that somehow woke things up or what. Up until this recent weight gain I never had a problem keeping weight off. Maybe my metabolism just took a five year vacation. I don't know!

But we're into the third week now, I still feel comfortable eating 1200 or less calories, and I'm working out 60 or 90 or 120 minutes a day. And still feeling great.

And as of this morning I'm down eleven pounds in 16 days.

Farmer's Market

Rode bike to Farmers Market. Bought oranges, giant snap peas, three bags of Spring Mix, two containers of hummus and some fresh pitas. My basket barely held it all. Then rode home.
Weighed myself - down another pound.

This is a little crazy. I kind of don't really understand why it is that the pounds are just melting off like this, I mean logically I do - but I've done all this before, why is it working now?? It's like... so EASY this time. I don't really understand. If I could bottle this up and GIVE it to you all, I would.

I'll just be happy with it though. Only a couple months more until I'm the new old me.

Hopefully that girl can keep herself out of trouble. She didn't do so well with that before.

Ready to kick ass

I am finally feeling good enough that I could ride my bike. I am due to be in class in 15 minutes, but I think instead I am going to take the bike out for a long ride. Sorry professor, but riding my bike will make me feel better than sitting in class. I'm going to do it.

Colds suck

I'm f***ing tired of this cold. I really am. I actually feel much better right now, but I'm not 100% and I AM TIRED OF THIS.

Always a sign of getting better when you stop feeling sorry for yourself and instead want to start kicking some ass.

I've been battling with the wierdest cold for a week now, and it's got me good at the moment. All last week I felt fine during the day, but I would wake up around 3am with a nose full of more snot than you could imagine. I'd feel like crap when I first woke up, but after a shower and getting dressed I was fine. This went on for a week, until Sunday.

Saturday I had a huge workout, almost two hours of constant cardio. I mistakenly went to the mall after to buy bras, and I thought I was sweating and hot from the workout but I believe now that I probably had a fever. I fell asleep on the couch around 8pm, woke up at 3am, blew my nose and went to bed. Sunday I woke up and it was clear that I wasn't going to the gym. I slept most of the day away.

Today I woke up and went to school, but I was really tired. Came home and logged into work but by 1pm I knew I was about to fall asleep so I called in sick. Then I fell totally out for a few hours. I feel EXHAUSTED and I haven't even done anything.

It doesn't feel like the flu, so it's probably not swine flu - so I'm calling it my Carnitas Cold instead. After all, my snout is full of snot, so it fits.

Send chicken soup, stat.

Lost two pounds!
That's 7 pounds in ten days, and I know that sounds like a lot, but the change to healthy eating habits vs convenient eating habits plus working out every day is a logical answer. I'm not starving myself, I'm getting 1200-1500 calories a day and it's all good food. As opposed to Taco Bell for lunch (MMMmmmmm) and heavy eating for dinner. And huevos rancheros for breakfast. Etc. So I know it sounds like a lot, but I don't believe it is.

For instance, I probably consumed 3000-4000 calories a day before and no workout.
Now I consume say 1300 calories and burn about 600 from workout = Total 700 leftover. That's AT LEAST 2300 - 3300 calories saved PER DAY. So I don't believe the seven pounds is too much, it's just a switch to normal, healthy living.

It's really REALLY nice to see some progress.

My little Wii Fit machine told me I had weighed myself yesterday at a slightly different time, so I just did it again, at the same time as yesterday.

And I did NOT gain a pound! I'm exactly the same as yesterday! Which is better than gaining a pound.

Also, I just back from a long bike ride and I feel GREAT. Yayy!

Went to gym today, used ellyptical for 15 minutes, Expresso bike for 30, and ran for 45 minutes. WOOOOO.

Did I mention here that I lost five pounds this week? Yes, yes I did.

I unlocked the snowboarding game on the Wii Fit today, and it's hard as hell, but the best part is my Wii Fit age is now 30 - the same age as Buffy.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

Pretty soon she'll have to be the Mommy and I can sit and play ClubPenguin all day instead of homework and say "Yeah, I'll do the dishes" and then never do them and for SURE I'll get to lose my house keys and make her come home from whatever fun thing she's doing so she can let me in. I can't wait.

My Wii Fit age is now 31.
Buffy is 30.

And I haven't even been well enough to box or run yet.

I told her pretty soon she's going to have to be the Mom.

Sick with no sleep

It would be nice if I was feeling better now that Cinequest is over. At least the cold mostly held off until after the festival, but I would love to get out in the sunshine right now. Or mow the back yard. Instead of just dozing here on the couch all day and coughing my lungs out. Riding my shiny new bike that's sitting in the entry way collecting dust would be nice too, before it starts raining again.

Also, I hate you Day Light Savings Time. I already can't get to sleep before 1:30am, but now I'm up until 2:30am. Nice.

Hilariously, this morning the Wii Fit asked me how much sleep I get. When I entered 4-5 hours it chastised me and told me to get 7.5 hours. Yeah, right. But this evening when Buffy signed on, you know what the Wii said to her?

Wii: "Did you know that Mommy isn't getting enough sleep?"

Me: "HEY!!"

Buffy: "No shit."

Me: "That's confidential!"

Wii Fit: "You should encourage Mommy to take naps, or sleep more at night."

Buffy: "Mother. You heard it. You DON'T get enough sleep. TAKE A NAP."

Who knew the Wii Fit was a tattletale??

In better news, my Wii Fit age is 38, and Buffy is 30. She is PISSED. HEH HEH HEH.

Woke up late with sore throat.
See that typing up reviews at 1am doesn't always work well.
May have to cancel first movie tonight.
Blah.

Head clear enough to say that you should still go see Tandoori Love. Must write review today.
Must make tea now.

I think I'm getting sick, but I'm not sure. I think I feel okay, except I turned exceptionally crabby this evening, for no reason, and I was extremely tired all day. Like REALLY super extremely tired, and I did get enough sleep last night. I had told my supervisor today that yesterday I had worked so hard on a problem project of mine that I felt like my brain hurt and I wanted to work on something else. But now that I see more symptoms I wonder if I'm just dealing with a pre-sickness spell. You know how it is when you just feel wierd one day, and it's not until the sickness hits the next day that you realized that was it? So yeah, I don't know if I'm really getting sick, but something is really off anyway.

That's going to suck if I really do get sick tomorrow, because I have a lot of problem work to get done. I don't have time to get sick.

So I'm walking to class today and hitching up my jeans as I walk, only I immediately have to hitch them up again, and I realize that the entire butt/stomach/hip area of my jeans is totally baggy and they're hanging off my hips and ready to fall down.

My new jeans. My new, two for price of one, pair of jeans. Are too big.

After a week.

On the one hand, I'm thrilled that results are starting to become very noticeable.
On the other hand, I JUST BOUGHT NEW CLOTHES. I don't want to buy a new set of clothes every two weeks!! I mean, I have at least sixty pounds to lose, minimum, that's a lot of new clothes to go through.

On the other hand... I'm losing weight. It's a rough thing to complain about, it really is. I mean, no one wants to hear you complain "OMIGOD, I lost so much weight!"

I'm going to have to buy some belts, quickly. That might extend the life of my pants a couple more weeks for each size change. Because I'm certainly not going to GAIN weight just so my pants will fit.

In better news, my boobs do not appear to have shrunk this week.
:-D

The great thing about working from home is that I can RIDE MY BIKE ON MY BREAK!!!

3.22 miles all over parks and lawns and trails and sidewalks, up to the college and back.
Fun Fun Fun!

Of COURSE they didn't have the bike I wanted, but I ended up getting something even better.

My new fire engine red Diamondback Sorrento 21 speed mountain bike.

Much more expensive, it was on sale for $359, but still... it's a great bike and it's beautiful. I'm a sucker for men's bikes I guess, I haven't had a girl bike in a long time.

It's taking awhile to get used to riding again, I think mostly because I don't know the area well yet so I don't know where the bumps, ledges, curbs and large rocks are. I don't like being surprised when I'm on a bike. Going fast. Without a helmet.

Yeah, I didn't get a helmet, shame on me, but I wasn't planning on paying that much so I didn't want to add on another $50. I'll get one soon.

Buffy and I decided it's my Christmas present. She said I couldn't ride it until Christmas, but I told her No, I'm riding it today. And I did.

Happy Happy Me.

Tomorrow Buffy is going with me to Sports Authority and we're going to get me a bike, hopefully this one. Then I'm going to explore some paths near my house and see where I can ride without worrying about getting run over. There are lots of running paths, but I'm not sure where I can ride. I've never been big on riding where cars drive fast.

We're also going to look at the bike racks for my car, since I purchased the car especially with the tow thingie so I could put a rack on it, but never got around to it. It's time. Then I can bring bike with me to Aptos and ride at the beach.

Then I have my long run scheduled for tomorrow - 5 miles. We'll see how that goes.

Went to gym and the Expresso Bikes were occupied!!

So I ran on the treadmill, 2 miles, until someone got off.
Then I got on the bike, but was a little tired from the treadmill, so I only did 3 miles, but Expresso Bike miles are mostly muscle, so I know I still got a great workout.

And hey, five miles total before Thanksgiving dinner - not many people are getting that done.

Picked up an apple and a pecan pie from Marie Callendars on my way home. Scott will pick me up at 3 and dinner is at 4pm. MMMmmmmm, dinner.

Oh, and I lost four pounds.
:-)

I haven't weighed myself since I started running, mostly because the home scale cannot be trusted and I haven't been to the gym scale this month. My clothes don't really seem like they're fitting differently though, until today.

I'm wearing a blouse with kind of a wrap-around part over the chest area. This morning every time I looked down the wrap was hanging open, exposing my bra. "What the hell is WRONG with this thing today???" I kept yelling at it.

I went to class, and again, sitting up straight in my desk the stupid thing just hangs open. "I don't understand what's going on," I whispered to my classmate/friend. "It didn't used to do this." "Have you lost weight?" she asked.

Dammit. I mean, DAMmit. Because that was it. MY BREASTS HAVE SHRUNK. I've lost weight, not in my hips, not in my stomach, not in my butt, BUT IN THE ONE ASSET I HAD LEFT.

GAH. This is frustrating.

:-)

My right ear is itching like crazy. Who's talking about me??!!

Or maybe I just need a Q-tip.

I had my first full personal training session at the YMCA today. I signed up in June but after a comedy of errors and three trainers-who-could-not-train-in-the-morning later I finally was assigned an older gentleman, nice, but didn't seem too tough. We had a consultation last week and I wasn't happy to be spending so much money on something I didn't think was going to help me much, but he did show me a couple new things I thought would do me some good. And there didn't seem anyone else who could work with me on the hours I was available, so I was resigned to whatever they could give me.

But today was official training day, and he was awesome. He worked me hard, not so hard that I thought I was going to die, but I was definitely walking that line. I have a feeling I'm going to be a little bit sore tomorrow < end under-estimation >.

I'm loving it.

It is FUCKING HOT in San Jose and especially in this house.

Goodness these pills work wonders. I'm feeling a little loopy right now - but not sick at all. Unfortunately, I only have two more doses left. I may have to make a trip out to get more. But if I can stay high enough on Tylenol Colds for the weekend I just may be able to churn out these papers. WOOOOOOO. Yay for Tylenol Colds!!!

I'm gonna kick ye olde asses of Chaucer, Spenser and Ondaatje this weekend!

Feeling much better now, got lots of work done, even cleaned house, now I just have to catch up on a couple hundred pages of reading.

Today at school I have:
Graduate Fair
Mythology
Spanish
Study of Ovid

Still have a couple hours of work to go. Busy busy day.

All doped up on allergy medication, I can mostly breathe through my nose, no sneezing (yet), my nose only runs a little, and aside from feeling pretty dopy and a little sluggish from the medicine, I think I can get through today. I did get through my Shakespeare class without too much misery. Now I get to work.

This evening is Back to School Night for Buffy. It seems I am ALWAYS sick on this night, so maybe I'm just allergic to the idea of visiting that stupid school, heh.

I can't breeeeeeeeathe....

uuuuUUUUUUGGGGHHH

I took so much cold medicine today, and nothing helped. It must be allergies. I feel like CRAP.

I was miserable this morning at work and could only put in about 50% effort. I was so miserable from blowing my nose and still having it be plugged during Mythology that I had to skip out on Spanish - AGAIN. Third time in three weeks!!!!!

Went to the store and bought allergy medicine. I took some two hours ago, I still can't breathe through my nose. I'm so fricken miserabllllllllllle.

On top of the allergies my stupid stomach has been more and more upset all day. And gassy and burpy during school. Barely ate anything. Finally made a good stew for dinner, ate a small bowl, calmed my tummy down, but then gaaaaassssssy again. OWWIE. Just downed some Pepto Bismol.

I have tea brewing. Oh woe is meeeeee. I can't even read. I'm going to have to brush up on Sparknotes for tomorrow's lecture on Jew of Malta, cuz it's gonna get read today. BOOO.

Stick a fork in me

My allergies are killllllllling me, I have also come down with a nasty cold, Robert Jordan is dead, and it seems that I left my comb in Aptos.

It has not been a good day.

Yayy! I opened my eyes this morning and instantly knew that I was all better. What a relief!!! I went to school this morning and all was well, and now I just got to work. I called Scott and the way here and guess what... he had the same thing! So I guess we ate something bad. We both were sick by Monday evening - we had had scallop and prawn tacos the night before, which I think is too much time between getting sick, or we went out to breakfast Monday. We didn't eat the same thing though, so either it was the tacos, or they cooked our breakfast in the same bacteria-ridden pan. We've eaten at both places many times before, so whatever it was just a fluke - and we are just both glad to be well again.

So now I happily start work, and then go home and study study study!

I'm on day 2 of my third stomach virus since May. This sucks. Yesterday I was able to cope with lots of pepto bismol, but then I was up again all last night, only got 2 hours of sleep, and ended up in bed all day today. I hate being sick.

Not feeling great yet, but my head is clear now. I think it was all due to "that time of the month". And maybe some stress combined. So I wasn't feeling real great for a day or too, then today it really hit me. But this evening my head is clearing, and even if my tummy doesn't feel that great, I feel much better. So Yay for me!

Germs have 11 days to evacuate

I feel like crap and it appears that I am coming down with something very unpleasant. This does not make me happy at all. However, at least I have time to get better. I don't care if I have red spots all over and throw up all over the gangplank, I am getting on that ship.

So I'm going to say that TrimSpa just doesn't work.

It was probably after pill one that it sunk in that it wasn't going to work for me anyway. I don't eat a great deal of food anyway, so for TrimSpa to work for me it would have to help me eat nothing. It would have to be like Meth. But what happened was it didn't really have any effect at all. So I'm just going to stop taking them now since I hate pills anyway (and these things are huge suckers).

My next try I think MAY be Jenny Craig or NutriSystem. Perhaps I just need some specially prepared foods. Jeez. I don't know. But I'm going to check into it. I think there's a Jenny Craig right next to my gym. Due to some new scheduling problems with Buffy's summer school I haven't been to the gym this week and I haven't weighed myself in quite awhile. I absolutely have to get activity in every single day or I don't think any progress is going to happen. I think maybe Buffy and I will walk over Yerba Buena road (a very large hill) every day. I think it's about a mile and a half to go all the way over, then we can walk back - that would make 3 miles of hill work. After I do it once and see how hard it is I may take some hand weights with me. I have to be careful with what I take on because no matter how much I go to the gym, I'm still pretty overweight and get out of breath easily - I don't want to overwork myself, just hit the level right before that, heh.

Ah well. If anyone has tried Jenny Craig or NutriSystem and actually followed the plan (with the food) let me know how it went. In the meantime, it's over hill over dale for me.

So I went to take my second pill this evening...

And I saw the expiration date on the box.

02/07

And I'm thinking... 02 = February, right? Didn't February already pass? This is 2007, right? And this is July? These pills that I just bought at a reputable chain grocery store aren't REALLY six months past the expiration date, RIGHT?

They were.

I took them back, they told me to get another box. I went to the shelf, the first box I picked up expired 06/08. That's better. I checked another box, it said 02/07. I let the store know, they seemed So! Surprised! So they are going to check the rest.

As for me, I went home and took my second pill.

Here we go...

Okay, I just took my very first TrimSpa pill. We will see what happens.

However, I do need all your support like you've been giving me, and I love to hear what has worked for you. LOVE it. So keep sending me your suggestions because I do want to read them. I don't want you to stop, I just don't want you to worry.

And HOLA to Scarlett, una otra amiga out there I never knew I had. I'm no longer a "superstar" in Diaryland, but it is always exciting to know people are out there reading what I write.

Not by a million miles am I Anna Nicole Smith

Thank you to everyone who is concerned about me taking Trimspa. I think it's a bit premature to be too concerned though. I only got a little package of them, and you take several a day, so it's probably only a week or 2 week supply. The likelihood that I'll continue with them is small as I hate pills of any kind, really don't need the extra caffeine, and I'll be off on a cruise in 26 days. I'll be bored with these pills in a week, I'm sure.

No, my body type is not changing in any way but rounder. I rarely get on the scale unless I remember at the gym, but random checks there show a rising number, and so do the tags on my always new clothes.

I keep moving. I am at the gym at least three days a week, usually five. I push myself hard when I am there. I feel it working, it just doesn't seem to be burning calories.

In four years I have gained now sixty pounds. In four years. I am 90 pounds heavier than when I got married (though I was pretty thin then and have no intention of ever being THAT thin again). My weight training class last semester seemed to slow the gain to a crawl, but I still gained.

I'm going to try the Trimspa no matter what. I'm going to try it. I am not sure what else to do, but you can be sure a doctor visit is in the future if the gain doesn't stop.

It really does seem like my metabolism has stopped. Because even if I don't eat a minimum of calories now, I don't over eat and I am probably exercising more than any of you. I am forty years old - too old to go on a 800 calorie diet and do 3 hour gym days 7 days a week JUST TO KEEP MY WEIGHT STEADY, ya know? I'm starting to feel like: What if I work extra EXTRA hard to get this weight off, and then my body won't keep it off??

That's worrisome.

And I don't have an answer for that yet. But I'm not giving up.

So I'm going to take the damn Trimspa pills for a couple weeks, or even up until the cruise, then we'll see what happens. The ship has a gym there and a running track, so I am excited to to keep on exercising there, we have Plenty-O-Activities planned while we're in port, and not even a cruise is going to turn me into a big eater because I'm just not.

In the meantime, ya'll don't worry so much about me. You know I have sense. I may not use it when it comes to boys (thank God Scott came along), but when it comes to my body I am pretty smart. So don't worry, and I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Good Housekeeping Magazine

Last night at the grocery store I also picked up a Good Housekeeping magazine because it has something like "7 women who lost 2000 pounds without surgery!" or something similar. And I like those stories because they are pretty inspiring to get your butt moving.

Some women used Weight Watchers, some Slim Fast, one lady just started jumping rope: only 10 skips the first day until now she does 2500 each day in less than an hour. They are ideas at least, and I know the jumping rope does work (I lost all pregnancy weight by jumping rope and continued losing ten more pounds in the first three months being pregnant with Buffy). It's just tough to jump rope with giant boobs, haha. I don't want to have to wear a sports bra all day every day - then again, I may try.

But anyway, I bought the magazine with approval from Spike. Spike is so helpful with everything, I love him. He was reading the labels of all the diet pills I was looking at, expressing his concern with each one and asking questions. He is always very game to help or participate in anything I want to do, especially if it is for my health. I just love that boy to death.

I'll be back in the pool tomorrow morning at 7:30am. I'm not giving that up, no sirree.

My choke pills

At the grocery store I picked up some Trimspa. I feel like such a sell-out. But I'm going to try it. The side effects sound better than that stupid Alli stuff (crapping your pants) (No, I never tried Alli). I just have to make sure I drink lots of water so the pill doesn't expand in my esophagus. Heh. I can drink water though. Also, it says it may cause "feelings of anxiety" which most people will tell you I don't need any extra of.

But regardless, I'm trying it. I can't figure out what else to do. The gym doesn't seem to be helping. I feel the cardio effects, and I feel stronger, but the weight is not going down. It's like my metabolism just stopped three years ago. The pounds just keep piling on. I don't eat a lot and I don't eat many bad foods. There are certainly ways to cut down, but not really enough to make much of a difference. So I'm going to take that extra step and just try some Trimspa.

It's certainly better than crapping my pants, that's for sure.

Ow. Ow. OWWW.

It's hard enough trying to get contact lenses onto your eyeballs when your allergies are killing you.

But if you forget that you just rubbed lotion all over your hands and THEN try to put contact lenses onto your eyeballs, you are thisclose from blinding yourself.

Ow times infinity.

Bless me.

I can't stop SNEEZING this morning. Couldn't get to sleep last night because I could not breathe. Allergies suck.

Luckily the majority of my blood is italian and american indian, so I don't burn easily and I have to really really burn myself to cause major damage. This morning most of the burn has settled into a tan, but my thighs still hurt and my face and arms hurt a tiny bit. But I feel really dehydrated and wiped out. Far from the rejuvenation I felt under the sun at the beach yesterday, haha. I guess the gym is out - AGAIN. Blah! Stupid Stupid Stupid!!! SOOOOO frustrating to know it's your own fault!

On the other hand, The Amazing Race is on my DVR right now, so I'm gonna watch it! Who has my coffee?

I hate when there is no one to yell at but myself

My thighs are in so much stupid burning pain right now. If you see a lady walking through the San Jose County Recorders office tomorrow wearing shorts with ice cream smeared all over her thighs, that would be me.

(Okay, if you really do see that lady? It won't be me. But I'll be the lady wishing I had the guts to smear ice cream all over her burned up thighs.)

I just weighed myself on the house scale and it came out ten pounds less than the gym scale says. Heh. I don't know which one is correct, but I'm still fat, haha.

And then at 11:30 last night I started violently throwing up. Don't worry, we can't really trace it to the gelato because Spike had the same kind. But I sat on the toilet with the trash can in front of me - VIOLENTLY - throwing up until 4:30am. This morning I was happy to be done with throwing up, but was so week I've been in bed all day. I've been drinking lots of water but couldn't eat food. Now, 24 hours since the last time I ate I finally got down half a cheese & tomato sandwich. Yuck, being sick is not nice.

***Warning! Grossness ahead!***
Aside from school, Buffy and I had Taco Bell Saturday night and I have been sick ever since. I got sick in the middle of eating my taco salad and couldn't finish anything else. Ever since then I've been having bathroom and nausea problems, with everything coming out one end and threatening to come up the other. Gross. I should put a warning on these posts. Let me do that right now...
Okay, done. Anyway, I figured it would be over in 24 hours, but now here I am at my desk still fighting whatever gross bug has invaded my stomach. I feel like I've been poisoned. The good news is, this may finally get me over my unhealthy love of Taco Bell Yumminess. Because I really don't want to see smell or taste Taco Bell right now.

I go back to feeling nauseous now.

Also, I went to the gym and swam 80 laps today! WOOOOO!!!

Just say yes to drugs.
Found the pain killers and they worked WONDERS.
So now I feel ALL better and am happily working away.
I just hope I don't have to keep taking them for very long.

Make it STOPPPPP.

I'm at work, I feel good, no more sick, but MY BACK IS KILLING ME, it's just relentless, and I'm kind of beyond crying about it now, if it doesn't stop hurting soon I'm going to start yelling instead.

I gotta go find some pain killers in the First Aid thing. I'll be back.

Okay, as of right now, I am actually feeling a little better, and things are not throbbing so much. So that's good.

.

I'm better, i'm here at wrok, my hips and right knee and lower back are KILLING me but I'm here. I want to go home but I'm sick of being in bed and the house is hot and I just thought it would be better here but it's not.

missed swim finsls
our team won
its char's birthday today,happy birthdya charleen!!!!1
still sick, head is clearer but I cant stay awak and everything really hurts.
since thursday at lunch i have onlyu had one jamba juice
everything i try to eat tastes so bad
its the weight loss sickness, woooo.
okay me go sleep now.

I have been very very sick for two complete days now and I have a midterm essay due at midnight and I just can't do it. I don't remember ever being this sick since I had that eColi poisoning. Tomorrow I go to the hospital if I'm not better. I'm going to miss swim finals. :-(
I don't know what's wrong, I've never been SO sick for so long. Last night I came home and fell on the bed and sweated off the fever. This morning I thought I was getting better but couldn't eat anything and then got worse and worse the rest of the day. Finally I made myself go to jamba juice (even though I couldn't barely see and was dizzy) and after a few drinks I feel at least awake. So I'm going to try to write my essay (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and then turn it in and go back to bed. I'm going to be really really sad if I miss swim finals tomorrow.

So I may have mentioned that after wearing glasses for 30 years, I just LOST my glasses for the first time... sometime last month, I have no idea when or where. I think maybe on our vacation in Volcano, but I really have no idea. I usually wear contacts, but wear glasses when my eyes are tired, or I'm too lazy to put my contacts in, or when my allergies kick up in Aptos. So suddenly they have disappeared, and right at the time that I'm on my last pair of contact lenses too.

So of course I waited until one of those tore before I made an appointment. So I've been walking around and trying to read for school with only one worn out contact in my eye. Let me mention that I am more than legally blind without corrective lenses. My poor eyes have been STRAINING to see this week.

I went to my appointment today, just to get glasses, which would have to be ordered ($205 AFTER insurance, DAMN) and when I put my one contact back in after the exam...

It disappeared. I guess it never actually made it into my eye. I sat back in the chair and looked at the blur in front of me, and blinked my eyes a few times, and then thought... why can't I see? OMIGOD my contact isn't in my eye! The doctor and eye combed the room, but it vanished.

So she had to sell me a pair of spares with no real contact exam yet. Heh. So now I have another appointment (which I needed anyway) to get fitted for the contacts. Dammit. I still cannot believe I lost my glasses.

We all know as soon as the check is cashed my old glasses are going to turn up, right? Like, right on my bathroom sink, or right next to my bed. Where they always are.

But my new frames by Coach are very cute. The internet picture does not do them justice. They are Cute.

Spent the weekend first at the swim meet (we won) and then in Aptos just napping and reading and napping and recovering from my cold. I have a slight cough but no big deal, mostly I just feel WAY better.

I finished reading The Devil Wears Prada and I have to say... not impressed. I'll see the movie cuz it looks cute, but the book was boring. And to my surprise, I got a lot of comments as I carried it around, and I didn't find anyone who had read it and actually liked it.

Now I'm reading The Nanny Diaries, only on page 11 and already it's better.

I have more to say, but it's late and you're gonna have to wait.

Still feel like crap and now I'm coughing up chunks of yellow gunk.
Thanks for asking.

:-P

gawd I feel like crap today.

We can add to those symptoms an immediate extreme restleness, and some minor shakes. The tingling freaks me out. This is crazy, I HATE this mess.

uh oh... watch out...

See, I never did go to the doctor because sure enough after three days of my period *BLIP* I was all better. And now I'm due to start today, but I haven't yet, but I have all these vitamins ready to pop at the first sign of a problem. And just now I got some bad news over the phone - nothing to worry about, it's no big deal AT ALL - but I could feel this time how it set me off, and I'm not a raging mess but I could feel the depression hit me again. And then the heaviness in my stomache and up my neck and now the tingles are going all around my arms and legs and feet again. All within ten minutes. And now my head is getting all thick, and oh yuck I don't have time to be a raging lunatic this weekend - can you imagine my essay for the Writing Skills Test? "SHOVE THIS F-ING TEST UP YOUR F-ING ARSE, I HAVE THINGS TO DO AND KIDS TO YELL AT!!!!!"

Heh.

So I'm assuming my period will start any second now, and I am also now absolutely sure this problem isn't so much stress related as it is hormone related. It MUST have something to do with the time of the month - although it happened to be set off during some bad news, it's too much of a coincidence that it only happens from Day 1 of my period through Day 3 of my period and then completely shuts off as if someone threw a switch.

For now I'm going to TRY to take ya'll's advice... Vitamins, TRY to cut down the sugar (I need it for my coffee and we have friggin chocolate hazelnut cookies at home, HeLLOOO!), and my own medicine of just trying to sleep as much of it off as possible. Maybe I'll even get a Femme Boost at Jamba Juice on the way home - Hey, WHATEVER works I say. Better than terrorizing the kids all weekend. And Myself.

Okay, I'm off to get water for vitamins. Fun's over for a few days.

I've done a lot of work this week, and I'm tired and bored right now. Sorry Charleen, but I am NOT working at the moment.

Today I should have the final disc of The Amazing Race in the mail - I CANNOT WAIT.

We watched the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and it wasn't really all that bad. In fact, the tone of it was probably closer to a Roald Dahl story, but I didn't like the back story on Willy Wonka's father that was added in - I mean, nice touch, but I don't believe that was in the book, and I hate when they do that.

I wasn't impressed with Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If Angelina and Brad hadn't been in it I would have hated it.

15 more minutes and I can go home.

You think I'll start running today? Maybe...
I can't lie, the heart thing worries me, even before my dad died, but especially after he died and then REALLY especially after my mother sat down on the couch and died out of the blue. Hearts are unpredictable. I don't really want mine going out yet.

Just to be safe, Charleen? email Meg at DivineReality to get my passwords if anything ever happens to me.

I need to change the trust beneficiary for my life insurance to Scott, since it used to be my mother. And as soon as all the inheritance comes in I'm going to do my living trust. Gotta be prepared so things go smoothly, also I don't want excess money going to lawyers or anywhere else. Give it all to the kids. With Scott in charge, heh.

That was probably me trying to convince myself to not run. But today I feel good. I weigh more than I ever have, but at the moment I feel fine, so I'm going to go for it. If I die I die, right?

I need to do my nails when I get home. After I go run and then make dinner. Then I watch Amazing Race and do my nails. Yeah. That's it.

Okay, enough. I'm done here.

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