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Yeah, already slacking on the updates!

Went to Communications Law & Policy on Wednesday. Thirteen page syllabus. Every week studying legal cases and writing legal briefs. Then a 20 page seminar paper. Presentations. Etc. I loved the professor, and the class sounded really interesting. Many students were scared, but I was up for the challenge. What I wasn't sure I was up for was the work load.

Thursday I went to Media and Social Issues - or something like that. It's the Mass Comm 101 class for grad students. Professor is great and comes with great recommendations from students. Eight text books, and we'll get through one every 1-2 weeks. I don't have a choice about this class, I have to take it this semester.

But I was pretty sure at that point that there was no way I was going to be able to handle the workload. If I didn't have a job, maybe. Also, I have triathlon training every day.

Scott: Well now, I know you really want to do that triathlon, but... Never mind.
Me: I'm not going to not do that triathlon.
Scott: Yeah. I know. That's why I said nevermind, haha.

That's another month of training. I'm not giving it up. And I just don't see how I could do all three classes. BUT, the head of the department came in to talk to us about what is needed for graduation. We have 7 assorted grad classes we have to get through - and then THREE UNDERGRADUATE COURSES IN ANY DEPARTMENT. Like I can take POTTERY. SERIOUSLY.

I can knock out three undergraduate courses any day. Three undergraduate courses are worth 1-2 graduate classes. So I can drop the Law class and still be done in 2 years. I can take classes in writing, film, whatever I want.

So I did drop it last night, and it reduced my tuition by a thousand dollars. OH THANK YOU LORD. Good grief but it's been hard paying for grad school AND the books.

So I have International Communications on Tuesday nights and Media/Social Issues on Thursdays. This gives me time to do my reading and my writing without being a basketcase.

Also, it's 100 degrees today. Me no like.

It's 9:30am and I'm starting to wear down. I work early on Wednesdays, then I go to gym, then I go to class. I'm going to need coffee for this.

Thursday I get up to do swim workout, then work, then class.

It's a good thing Friday's are "rest" days in training. I'll get to sleep in and then work. I can see already that the weekend will be spent reading like a mad woman.

Okay. I liked it, or at least I think I WILL like it when it really gets going. I really liked the professor. A nice, soft spoken man who seems really intelligent and goes off into tangents but they are really interesting and kind of related tangents. I was nodding off in the first five minutes of class (so I think I need to bring some coffee with me) but then I just woke up and it was easy to pay attention.

Out of 19 students, only 3-4 came from any Journalism degree. We had everyone from Graphic Design to Environmental Science to History to Creative Writing. And of course English Literature. Everyone appeared to be intelligent although one female is irritating me a bit(lot) and one male has potential to get on my nerves even more. Three were from the middle East and one from India, one from Columbia. Several from San Diego, haha.

One student said she heard the class was fun, and the Professor agreed it was easy - which I've heard before, so we'll see how that goes.

The Professor has an undergraduate in History (Stanford), a Masters in Mass Comm (SJSU), and a Ph.D. in Education (USF).

About half the class has recently lost their job. That was scary.

The Professor seems very passionate about International Communications specifically, but also passionate about the Mass Comm Major in general. And that's good to have in a teacher.

No one will ever be as great as my English Prof who later became my friend, but I think I'll do okay in this class. Tomorrow's class is Communication Law and Policy. Fun.

First day of grad school

First up, International Communications at 6pm.

This show wouldn't be so horrendous if the girls on it weren't so pathetic.
Yeah, I said it.
You can be fat and pretty, you can be sad that no one understands you're pretty and fat.
But to go on a TV show and let your feelings be exploited like this, all for a 15 in 16 chance that you're going to be rejected AGAIN and in front of a national TV audience, well that's pathetic.

The show claims it's just the "real woman's" alternative to The Bachelor - but it's NOT. It doesn't just take size 14 women and put them on a dating show. It takes really big women with some really big emotional issues and then puts them on display and FOCUSes on these issues. It's NOT a show about "Real Size Women Finding Love" it's a show about "Super Fat Losers Who Cry a Lot Because They're Super Fat and No One Loves Them".

This bachelor they have for it, he seems to be a nice enough guy, but he's also pretty confident in himself. These women have NO confidence. How is a real love match going to come out of any of this? Well it's not likely. Because he's not THAT nice. He seems pretty condescending to me, like he's doing these girls a favor by showing them what going to prom is like.

And he IS because that's what this stupid show is ABOUT. Doing fat women a favor.

Horrendous.

This morning did my swim workout and it went well FINALLY.

Then I took Buffy to take her senior portraits and OHMIGOD YOU GUYS they are unbelievably beautiful and cute. The test pics I took are nothing like what the photographer got. I was kind of grumpy about the price but when I saw the shots in the photographer's camera I got SO EXCITED.

So then I went to work, where everything was broke today, AND it was hot.

Starting to be less freaked out about the triathlon and more freaked out about school starting, and if it will be hard, and how much work it will be, and juggling my schedule. But... I've done it before, I'll do it again.

Tomorrow I go out with a good friend who I don't get to see enough of, and I'm super happy and excited. We're going to the movies. It will be nice to spend time with her.

And time for bed.

just so ya know, I am finishing my second bloody mary now.

Today was beach day with Buffy and friend, and it was a little eye opening regarding the triathlon. That damn triathlon is easy on paper, and my training is going fine, but every time I go out and perform the actual leg the reality sets in.

That swim is going to be damn hard.

So it was a beautiful day at the beach, and we got into the water right away. I asked Buffy to try to swim to the end of the ship with me (because the swim leg is all the way around the ship). So we set off, even though the water was super cold today. We got maybe halfway to the end when a seal popped up in the water right next to Buffy. She is TERRIFIED of sharks, and her first reaction was to scream bloody murder and declare the swim OVER. So we headed back. Man, that was a hard swim back. It seems like you swim and swim but don't move at all!

Eventually we got back and Buffy said she was done with the water, but she got over it in a couple minutes. I begged her to go back out on the boogie boards, to see if we could paddle out to the end of the ship and back. She finally agreed.

So on the boards we went, looking out for seals. We followed one of them for a while but it got tired of our slow swimming and finally left us. Then we came upon a kind of small one that wasn't dead, but certainly didn't look in good shape. It was just kind of floating in the water, had GIANT numbers burned into its side and a tagged fin. We only knew it was liave because it sometimes put its nose up in the air. I don't think it was going to survive. So we kept paddling and paddling, and Buffy started getting more and more freaked out, and the ship was obviously a lot farther out than it seems from shore. We got ALMOST to the end of the ship this time when Buffy said she'd had enough so we started kicking back, but again I was kicking and kicking and didn't seem to be going anywhere. Obviously if a shark HAD come, we would have been a nice easy snack.

Eventually Buffy started kicking and paddling and she moved way ahead of me, but my board was too slick and I couldn't paddle, just kick. I kicked and kicked and kicked, and had to keep looking over at the ship and pier to see if I had moved AT ALL. The water just pushed us back one stroke for every two we made. I was moving, but at a really slow pace. Eventually I finally got back to shore.

It was rough. It's going to be a longer swim than I had anticipated. I'm definitely going to go out and swim every weekend until the race.

So then we stayed on shore and boogie boarded. I was just playing in the deeper water when the waves started building up, and I got toppled twice. It was fun, I didn't get hurt, just a few upside down summersaults. The second time I got a bunch of sand in my face so I stood in the water trying to splash it out of my eyes and I heard Buff yelling "MOM. Your BOOB." So keeping my eyes closed I just adjusted my suit back. I was facing the ocean so no one saw but Buffy.

Our friend said she was laughing and laughing at my summersaults, but I didn't care. It was FUN. We had a good time - even though the swim was tough - and I can't wait to go back again.

Pictures up on Flickr.

Since this blog is about the only thing I can't update from my phone now, I'll type today that tomorrow (SATURDAY) we're going to the beach! Me and Buffy. Oh, and her friend. Mm. We're going off to Seacliff to boogie board and attempt to swim around the triathlon swim leg. And generally burn off as many calories as possible. Then it will be off to Santa Cruz for school supplies and dinner, and back home.

And that's all the update there is for now.

CANARY - the movie, now playing in New York

CANARY, the crazed film by my friend Alejandro Adams, is playing at The Old American Can Factory tonight in New York. I am so super excited for the film and for Alex I can hardly contain myself. I'm also thrilled that his wife (and actress) Marya Murphy was able to make it to New York for the screening.

When I first saw this movie I only marginally knew them both, and had mostly heard that I was going to hate the film. I was absolutely prepared to hate it. But instead I was mesmerized by all the scenes that made others walk out (and there are always many who walk out of this film), and when the final, chilling, creepy, terrifying scene played out, I was hooked. When Alejandro came up for questioning and instead turned the questions on us, the audience, I promptly fell in love with them all. Alejandro, the film, Marya. This movie is a scholar's film. It's a difficult film to recommend to your average friend because it's a difficult film. You don't just go to sit down and be entertained for a couple hours. You must go with the mindset that you're going to write an analytical essay when it's over. And when it's over, you'll know you need to write that essay just to figure out what you just saw.

Although I was not the only person to be entranced by the film at Cinequest, my excitement now comes from the fact that so many reviewers are seeing it and writing the same incredible things about it that I feel. I mean... this film is not going to make millions of dollars, and it will never be a hit. But how many pieces of classical literature were bestselling books? Almost none, until long after the authors had died. Some of the best literature in the world never made a dime during the author's life, that doesn't mean the books weren't good. That is how I look at this film. It is really an incredibly genius piece of work.

So I am so excited because now New York gets to see it, and I have high hopes that they will understand and appreciate this film. And so much has changed since February before it premiered at Cinequest. Alejandro has gone from a man who appeared to direct people AWAY from his film (I believe to protect his precious baby from the harsh criticism of the world) to a much respected director who has provoked curiousity and fascination in film circles everywhere.

Assuredly there will be walkouts tonight. In fact there may be a higher walkout rate than usual (already a high rate) because the film is getting incredible buzz that is sure to be misinterpreted. You simply cannot go to this film thinking you're going to see an entertaining sci fi movie about organ harvesting. You're going to be sorely disappointed. But if you are willing to sit through the period of time this movie covers, if you are willing to sit through to the last scene which I believe provides the biggest clue to what Alejandro is trying to say, if you are willing to open your mind to an incredibly new experience in film - an experience which will not only require you to think but will not give you the option to do otherwise for days later - you really will have been given a gift.

When I say that I just want to crack open Alejandro's mind and devour his brain, I'm totally not kidding. If you ever get a chance to see this film (and I'll keep you all alerted to its screenings) I really hope you go see it and bring your open mind with you. For now, I'm just ready for an explosion to happen. There will be hate tonight, there will be love and fascination, and there will be notoriety. I am SO happy for my friends, and SO happy that many others are going to personally learn about this film tonight.

My new toy

So I bought a new Verizon HTC Ozone yesterday and almost wish I was a phone person so I could talk on it more, haha. But I'm not, so don't call me. But this morning I woke up and the first thing I saw was my new phone, so first I checked Twitter and my email, then I called Scott, then I checked Twitter again, then I downloaded the FaceBook app and then I looked at FaceBook and checked Twitter again and next thing I knew it was 8:30 in the morning.

Uh oh.

Buffy must have hypnotized me with her Mommy-Story-Lovins last night because the only other thing I remembered getting her were some ugly t-shirts she wanted from Target. But just now I remember totally losing my mind and okaying the purchase of a ballerina dress for SCHOOL yesterday - a dress that is basically just a sleeveless black leotard with a tutu attached. For school. I thought this was a good idea.

See?

I remember telling her she had to wear a sweater or something with it, but I don't really remember my reasoning behind the decision to purchase.

I wasn't even drinking, I SWEAR.

Except that, if my mother had bought it for ME, I totally would have worn it. But there's no way my mom would have let me wear that to school, heh. In fact, I remember seeing it on the rack and wanting to pull it out for her, and then thinking "Buffy would NEVER wear this," but then I found Buffy later and she was going into the dressing room with it.

So I think what we have here is another example of like mother like daughter. I mean, obviously this is what has caused all our fights through the years, we're just too much alike. But in this case at least, I can smile and enjoy her quirkiness.

She also started bitching about a store sign that had totally wrong grammar. Yeah, she's not like me AT ALL.

Took Buffy to Macys for some school shopping today, and while she looked at hideous Juniors fashion I wandered around the jewelry department. Found this silver necklace with a heart pendant. On the front was engraved "My favorite stories begin with..." and when you turn it over it says "One time my Mom and I..."

And I thought that was the most charming thing I'd ever seen. I brought it over to Buffy to show her and she AWWWWWed it right away. I asked her if she had good stories about me and her and then she laughed and said it reminded her of what her friends always say. "Almost every day someone will say something and then I'll tell them, 'No, that's not true, my Mom says...' and then all my friends get mad and say 'SHUT UP about your MOM, every day it's MY MOM MY MOM MY MOM,' hahahaha!"

And so I awwwed back at her and gave her a big hug.

The necklace was $80, but it was 50% off. So I bought it. And I guess there was some other discount because it ended up only like $31 total.

And she loved it and gave me a big hug.

So I got dressed this morning, and something didn't feel quite right, like something vague was hanging inside my shorts. So I put my hand up the shorts leg and felt...

my too big underwear. Yes. WAY too big, and hanging off my ass. The waist elastic was keeping them actually ON, but the rest of it just hung.

I was HAPPY, but also - ICK.

So today we went to Victoria's Secret and bought five pairs of cotton 5/$25 bikini underwear that are two sizes smaller.

WOOOOOO!!

Okay, so Buffy came home this afternoon after spending the weekend at her dad's... and she immediately noticed the clean house. Why yes, yes I did tell her that I cleaned it. And then told her in return, she had to do the dishes.

I like this scam.

So recently I've been realizing that Buffy graduates next Spring, and my plan had always been to move over to the beach by Scott when she graduates. But now I know she probably wants to go to the college by our house, so I can't just kick her out and go. She could go to her dad's, but... I just don't want her to, heh.

But today she asked me if moving to Santa Cruz was still the plan, and I said I wanted to, and she said she wants to go to the college that's over there! It's just as good, if not better, she could still live with me, we'd be over by the beach - it's PERFECT!!!

So now I'm super excited for the year to be over, and I'm going to start pricing little condos over there. This makes me super happy.

Tomorrow is my swim workout, and I'm not so happy about that. But I know it will get easier every time I actually do it.

I'm sorry Little Blog for ignoring you so much. I've been experiencing this thing called Life. Also, I've been writing other places, too many. Seems every aspect of my life is recorded in a different place.

Every morning I'm at the gym, tomorrow I have to run 45 minutes, not sure I like that idea BUT I've lost 23 pounds so far so I can't complain. Now there is no ignoring that I have lost a lot of weight, it's pretty damn obvious. And honestly it FEEEEEEELS so much better. I can sit with my knees curled up on the couch again, so many things are comfortable now, and of course exercising is so much easier.

Then I have work in the afternoons, and then the evenings have been pretty busy with meeting friends; either Cinequest friends, old friends, school friends, whatever. It's been fun, though it might be more fun if I didn't feel guilty about leaving the kids to make their own dinner.

But Spike told me he actually cooked his own real dinner last night while I was at Aptos. He made porkchops, some kind of rice AND corn muffins! I was pretty proud of him PLUS the kitchen was clean. ALSO the entire rest of the house was clean too, like spic and span and mopped. Wierd, but I'm proud of him.

School starts soon. I'm not so excited about the great unknown that is school this time. We'll see how it goes. For now, I'm not thinking about it.

The triathlon is eight weeks away. Getting very very very close. I can't believe I'm eight weeks away from checking off another life goal. It's exciting and scary, but I'm just concentrating on the preparation for now. But in eight weeks I'll be able to say I've completed a triathlon!!!!!

Buffy is Buffy, she's having a nice vacation and takes Senior pictures on the 11th. Still preparing for roller derby.

I am sort of amazed at the clean house around me right now.

OH! Scott is fine too. I didn't actually forget about him here, I just left his house. Good weekend. Very good. We're instituting another change in our relationship, and in a way not a change at all. We still live 50 miles apart, we are still happy together. We have hands down the wierdest relationship of anyone I know - and yet IT WORKS. For almost seven years now it WORKS. We have outlasted MARRIAGES. The change we have decided on is going to remain private, but it's something that never could have been considered if we didn't trust in each other as partners completely. So making a decision that would break up any other relationship may actually make ours stronger. And that's all I have to say about that. Except that I am happy, and so is Scott.

I'm not sure but I think that's about it for updates. Really the only thing going on is work and working out, and then meeting with friends in the evening.

And now I go to bed to get ready for the morning run.

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First week of school: Done
Tough Semester
International Communications
First day of grad school
More to Love - TV Fail
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drinking bloody marys
Beach and swim day!
Beach Day!
CANARY - the movie, now playing in New York

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