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Catherine, I know I owe you an email - I'll get to it soon, promise. I definitely have stories to tell you! And was glad to hear your son is back home - REALLY glad.

And hopefully I'll have some stories to tell all of you soon, I've just been going through some crises at home and not ready to talk yet.
Thursday: Age of Elizabeth - YAY.

yay.

TMZ now says Brit's new shrink just called for another trip to the hospital for another nice quiet rest. They say there was no suicide attempt.

Good. A hospital stay is better than her crying in the street.

I don't know why I'm so fascinated with her... I think there's just a part of me that does understand her, a little.

I need to go to bed.

Britney...

TMZ is reporting that there are lots of cops and helicopters at Britney's house again (midnight now) and X17 is reporting that she's attempted suicide - but X17 is usually full of crap.
As much fun as she's given me this last year though, I hope it didn't come to this - and then again, that's what this is all leading to, right? even if she didn't tonight, that's what everyone is waiting for.

Well, I'm not waiting for that, I love the Crazy, but I don't love the mentally ill and I hate that she makes no attempt to get her kids back. So I'm always torn about her, between hating her and feeling sorry for her. But every day I succumb and pull up TMZ to get the morning Britney news and then X17 to get the crap news. And sometimes I take a second and look at the many pictures X17 puts up (in the name of "helping Britney") and just stop and think, "That's a real girl there, that's a really sad girl who knows she has no friends."

Last night I saw the film of her crying in the street and I could hear a female photog saying in what sounded like a very concerned voice,"Britney, do you need to talk to somebody?" And it was so sad because she so obviously does and she so obviously needs someone, but how do you find that friend when you're Britney and have created this world yourself, this world that won't let you get help for yourself. I'm not talking about getting mental help, I'm talking about finding someone she can trust, a real friend.

So I hope she's okay. I want my Crazy Britney back who I can laugh at. Crazy Britney at least seemed happy. I don't like worrying about a fellow mother, and even though she never had the skills, she is a fellow mother.

I had a pretty complex, complete burglar alarm system installed today.
I am happy now.

I finished The Great Gatsby in two days and I finished, yes finished, the 1200 line Book of the Duchess by Chaucer this afternoon. I actually have no homework to do. That's right, I'm a rockstar.

We cleaned the house - and it really looks nice. We love our new vacuum.
I read all of The Great Gatsby - I LOVED it, and had no idea it was such a disturbing story. I mean... from the first few pages I just thought Tom Buchanan was one of the most repulsive literary characters ever, but then I met the rest of them... and it just got worse and also better. If you've read it, you know what I mean.
I finished my Literary Criticism reading assignment.
I read my Spanish Chapter.
Could not get through Chaucer, I still have a few hours tonight but I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish all 400 lines assigned.
Now I just have to write my Spanish paper.

It was a good weekend. Stress and anxiety were way down, I think because it was a rainy weekend with the kids so we were able to just all stay home together and that's really all that calms me down right now. Also, I was really proud of the work the kids did on the house. We split up all the rooms and each kid did a really great job cleaning. Buffy picked the kitchen, and I wasn't too happy about that because, well, let's just say her cleaning skills are lacking. But the kitchen looks incredible! I'm really proud of them both.

And now I leave to write my Spanish paper.

An example of what my life will be like this semester, this is the opening to the next 600 pages I have to read:

I have gret wonder, be this lyghte,
How that I lyve, for day ne nyghte
I may nat slepe wel nygh noght;
I have so many an ydel thoght,
Purely for defaute of slepe,
That by my trouthe, I take no kepe...

I may nat slepe wel for the next five months either. Why does Chaucer have to haunt me every single semester???

The Queen of the South

I finished The Queen of the South around 2am. It was pretty good. Very slow and depressing for the first half, then the main character goes through a change and you have to swallow an unbelievable premise - which I never do very well, but then, after all the slowness, there is the biggest, longest shootout I have ever come across in a book. Huge gun battle taken right from a Bruce Willis movie, right at the end of this slow, deep, depressing book. And then it ends, without anything resolved.

So there were problems with it, yes. On the other hand, I really liked the author's writing, and I tend to love stories written by Spanish and Mexican authors. Plus, there was a definitely believable twist at the end that did surprise me and makes me want to go back and read the whole beginning over again.

So I do recommend it - just know that it is slow going at first.

Now I have no more excuses to not read Chaucer's Book of the Duchess or The Great Gatsby, so here I go.

Literary Criticism: It's still a great unknown, although it's clear there will be a lot of work. I love when professors think that just because they only teach one class a week, the students in that class also have no other classes during the week.
We'll be reading approximately one novel and around 150 pages each week with a typed response due every Friday. Also a research paper due later on.
Professor was interesting... She looks like she may run 50 mile races, or at least bicycle 50 miles a day... she even wears a pedometer and refuses to sit down because she's "more comfortable" standing up.
Good news: She doesn't like the idea of our 7:15am scheduled Final, so it's a possibility she will either hold it later and make it really short, or give us a Take-Home final.

So that was cool.

Also, she let us out after only an hour. Also cool. But we don't expect that to happen again.

This weekend I'll be reading: the entire novel of The Great Gatsby, The Book of the Duchess by Chaucer, a chapter of Spanish, writing a page long description of my vacation in Spanish... ooh, I think that's it? I must be forgetting something.

Also planned: Revisiting one pawnshop, an appointment with... an installer, finishing Queen of the South (80 more pages), getting the kids to understand that they will be cleaning the house before they go ANYWHERE, convincing Spike that he will mow the back yard before he goes anywhere, I guess buying a mop because I don't think we have one... and maybe that's it? It seems like so little, yet I know I'll never get it all done.

I should also go get some binders and buy some pens too, since I'm still not prepared for this semester.

Friday

This morning I have the great unknown: Literary Criticism with another brand new professor.
3 hour class, yuck. We'll see how it goes today.

Today was The Age of Elizabeth.

First, the professor asked us to write down on one side of a paper everything we know about Queen Elizabeth 1.

I wrote: 1. Virgin. 2. Unmarried.
And set my pen down.

Professor: What? Pischina is not going to play the game?

Me: I'm playing the game. There is a reason I'm taking this class.

I have never seen any of the "Elizabeth" movies, never read a book about her, really know absolutely zilch about her. But I love this professor more than any other, and it was obvious to everyone today that this is going to be a great class, even if she is going to make us read "Old Arcadia". I know I'll be able to fill pages and pages about Elizabeth when this class is over.

Also, Parking was a breeeeeeze. Yay.

Also, no fewer than FOUR, 1-2-3-4, students and one professor were very happy to see me today. One student yelled at me from across campus and waved me over but I couldn't stop then, two others wanted me to sit by them in class, another I only ever see in the English Lounge and he was excited to see me and tell me about his grades last semester. And my beloved Professor retraced her steps to come back and say a happy Hi after recognizing my voice in the Lounge.

I had to take a Spanish placement test today to make sure I was ready for Spanish 4. I needed a 400, I got a very nice 414 and I was happy.

Work went well, I got very much done and felt stress free when I left for school. I only start stressing out and feeling the anxiety again when I think about returning home to see if anything else bad has happened. I really am thinking about going to a doctor soon, the anxiety brought on by the last problems (that I haven't talked about yet) is really causing me a lot of problems, but I want to give it a little bit longer to see if I can calm down first - time heals all wounds, right? But sometimes those wounds just don't close, and anyway, I don't need this added stress in my life.

And now it's time for my evening Bloody Mary - they're not just for breakfast ya know.

In other good news: I lost 5 pounds somehow. I don't remember the last time I weighed myself, but I lost 5 pounds since the last time I checked.

I think it's the Bloody Marys I have been drinking. I think I'll go get another one.

First Day

We have good and bad.

Parking: Not as bad as usual the first week. Just about normal. So that's a good.
Food: I did not schedule any eating time into my Monday or Wednesday schedules. Good thing I brought a little banana muffin today.
Chaucer: Oh dear lord. We learned the difference between belongen and belongeth, that "eke" means "also", we learned that knight, cnight, cnigt, cniht, knigte ETC all mean the same thing, and that people who read and wrote in Middle English didn't actually have to know how to spell. It took us the first 45 minutes just to translate six lines of one poem. Also... ZZZZzzzzzzzzz.......
Spanish: The Bad News: THERE IS SO MUCH WORK IN THIS CLASS!
The Good News: Our professor is TOTALLY on crack. Bad for our work load, good for our entertainment. We all just kept staring at each other like, "Helloooo, we passed our last class so we could be in this class? This is Insane! How are we going to do all this work? How fast is this lady talking and do you have ANY idea what she is saying???" But then we couldn't help but giggle CONSTANTLY because she really is SO INSANE! She's around 50 years old and she talksahundredmilesaminutewithouttakingabreathe! She's like a Spanish Robin Williams. So... Entertaining. We are scared but looking forward to seeing what happens in class.

More good news: Friends! Being back where I belong again! As soon as I walked back on campus my anxiety and stress from everything else just went away and I felt so much more comfortable again. It was nice being back with people that I understand and that understand me. I have lots of friends at school, and they were so happy to see me (yay!). In Spanish my partner from last year flew across the room to sit next to me again and pleaded with me to be her partner. Yayy, of Course! It was just nice to be back. Honestly? Since my parents' house is gone, and the pastors from our church are gone, school really feels like my home and my family. So Yay for being back.

Tomorrow: The Age of Elizabeth with one of my favorite professors.

First day of school tomorrow, I haven't picked up my books yet, I have no binders, no pens, I am NOT PREPARED.
Heh.

Tomorrow I get up early and work, then drive to Park&Ride hoping I can find a parking space (HATE first 2 weeks of parking!)...
Then go to my first, most dreaded class: Chaucer with the insane professor.
Then I have my second most dreaded class: Spanish. Unknown, brand new professor.

We shall forever more call that class: My Last Semester of Spanish, or MLSS.

Then back home to work another hour or two. BLAH. Don't wanna have these classes!!!!!!

Then Thursday I get to go to my Age of Elizabeth class to study Spenser, ah well, the professor is great.

Friday I have one morning class, Literary Criticism, and another brand new professor.

I still have 150 pages left to finish Queen of the South, so I better get on that right now.

Good night Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger has died.
I just find this so terribly sad.
Who didn't fall in love with him after seeing 10 Things I Hate About You?
And yet Amy Winehouse, though unbelievable talented, is still out and alive and smoking crack.
The world is a terribly sad place sometimes.

Except that it's raining

It's a new day, a fresh morning, and we're starting over again!

Had a pretty rotten nightmare last night, some crazy man had kidnapped me, or something, and I was trying to figure out a way to escape. I woke up and had two cats sitting over me staring at me in the face.

Then I come in and sit at the computer and see that Spike has made notes about two used cars he has found for sale: both of them 10 year old BMWs.
And he has no job still!

HARDEHARRHARRRRRRR

HOOOOO Boy, that was a good laugh to wake up to.

School starts Wednesday and I can't stop the feeling that I'm going to forget to go.
I had a little better day today, was able to relax a little, but this evening the anxiety is coming back. Too much anxiety, I swear I could use some pills to calm down. What happened to SuperWoman? I'm falling apart half the time now. I'll figure things out though, somehow life keeps going on, right? Well, usually anyway. Blah.

I could always shave my head, that would be interesting. Didn't seem to work that well for Britney though. On the other hand, it did get her a nice long vacation at rehab. Maybe I should drink more Bloody Marys.

Rock of Love with Bret Michaels

Pretty on the Outside is correct, Rock of Love is an all you can eat crazy buffet. I love this show... I just don't get where they find these women??? How do you even become a woman like this?? Where are their parents? (Heh.) I just don't get them, I don't know how you go through life being that stupid, and how being that trashy can give you any satisfaction in life, and just... what is the POINT of yourself?
But I still love watching them.

Maybe I won't leave the house EVER.

Teenagers don't realize how suspicious it is when they show so much interest in exactly what time you will be leaving and coming home the next day.

Maybe tomorow will be Bring Your Buffy to Work Day.

Good Job Brit

Yayyy, Brit actually made it to her deposition this morning, I'm so proud of her. Of course, she could have worn a bra, and maybe not an off-the-shoulder blouse, but she went? and why am I defending her???

Ehhh, it's time to make a spanish fritatta for dinner. I sent Spike to go buy tomatoes, potatoes, onions and eggs. Now we can finally have something nutritious to eat for dinner.

Charleen and me on Amazing Race

Charleen and I were discussing how we would never be able to do the race with anyone in our lives without fighting and wanting to kill someone. Charleen said not even she and I could do it without hating each other.
I disagreed.
"We'd be the team that was peeing our pants laughing so hard through the whole thing."
She agreed.
Of course, Charleen would have to do all the driving since I can get lost going home, but I would have to shift for her since she cannot drive a stick...
And there's no way in the world we would get past the first leg of the race...
But we would be the FUNNEST team to watch, for SURE.

Hold it together Britney

So TMZ says that Britney has actually showed up for her deposition this morning...
And I find myself curiously rooting for her.

I watched the 2006 Matt Lauer interview with her yesterday and found myself feeling for her even more. Yes, she looked trashy, and obviously she has no education at ALL. But what she goes through every day... is nothing like what any of us go through. Like I said, I can laugh when she brings the stupid and crazy on herself, but I think the last six months have ratcheted up the crazy brought on her by others. I wish she would just quietly move to Idaho for awhile - and that's part of what I can't figure out with her, why doesn't she move somewhere else if she really doesn't want the craziness?? And then I wonder again if she really does bring it all on herself... Sighhhh... Come on Britney, you could have the biggest comeback ever if you stepped things up, washed your hair and ironed your clothes, and took on some grown up responsibility. Pleeeeeease grow up and do that. Pleeeeeease give your kids a good life.

Did anyone else watch the ending for Amazing Race tonight??
BEST ending in a LONG time! YAYYYY!!!!!
That made me really, really happy.
I think it would be hard for ANY couple to go through all that stress and I usually cut the fighting couples some slack (but not for everything) (Nate! and Jen!) but it is unbelievable how calmly those two got through the race. I just love them, and am SO very happy for them.
YAYYYY

Goal progress

1. Check out the rowing machines at Sears.
Ordered a great machine from Amazon.com.

2. Find out why agitator brush on new vacuum is not agitating.
It was agitating so fast it looked like it was standing still!

3. Try to organize DVDs, i.e. get them up off the carpet.
Nope.

4. Possibly make chorizo and eggs or chili verde.
Buffy and friend made and ate ALL the chili verde... So I made chorizo and eggs and ate that.

5. Find where I hid the stupid camera cord so I can get the cruise pictures
Nope.

Can't wait for my rowing machine to arrive!

Side Note: Buffy turns 16 in less than 30 days... can you believe it?

Sunday goals

Today's goal:

1. Check out the rowing machines at Sears.
2. Find out why agitator brush on new vacuum is not agitating.
3. Try to organize DVDs, i.e. get them up off the carpet.
4. Possibly make chorizo and eggs or chili verde.
5. Find where I hid the stupid camera cord so I can get the cruise pictures off my camera.

Developed a taste for Bloody Marys on the cruise. Alcohol AND vitamins. Awesome.

Happy Baby Birthings!

I just discovered today that Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie both gave birth while I was gone - and I'm so happy for them both! Harlow Winter is SUCH a beautiful name. And Max, too, adorable. I have always loved Christina and am so happy for her. I've also always pretty much hated Nicole - but she certainly has reformed herself, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that she and Joel created the charity foundation. That's one way to obtain an express ticket into my heart. I wish both families all the best.

And since we're on the subject of missed celebrity gossip...
Oh Britney.
I come home and hear endless news reports that she has multiple personality disorder, FOR SURE, and I was sad that I was losing my daily entertainment. Because a person who makes crazy for herself - bad decisions, asks for the crazy - that person I can laugh at. But if she actually IS crazy... then it's just sad. I can't get behind laughing at that.
But then I see actual video of Britney being "crazy" and her "multiple personality disorger"... and I'm not so convinced. I think Britney needs help, I think she needs to dump her "friends" (and feel so badly for her that there really is NO one who does not exploit her, she really has NO ONE)... but I'm not sure she's actually "crazy". On the verge of a breakdown: yes; actually mentally crazy: no.
And then I see that every celebrity news show has jumped on the Britney Bandwagon, and it makes me ill how they're exploiting her. Yes, I have become Britney obsessed, but being obsessed and actually watching all the video, you can see that 95% of the junk they're showing on television is just that: junk. It pisses me off. She may ask for it sometimes, but if I were her I'd be about ready for a breakdown too.

Okay, off the Britney soapbox now.

I'm still very glad to be home. I need to book vacations always with the kids I think, it's really hard for me to enjoy vacations without them no matter how mad they make me at home. It's been them and me against the world for so long, and we've faced too many things that others never have. It's just that... it's just that we really understand the meaning of family and the value of life, and are so aware that it all goes away so fast. I'm glad I have the family I have, and I just can't stand losing time away if I don't have to.

To Catherine: Yep, we're planning our next cruise, probably in August. We're thinking about RCCL Monarch of the Seas, a four nighter from LA to San Diego, Catalina and Ensenada. RCCL has the rock climbing wall and the flowrider, and it looks like LOTS of stuff for the kids. But I'm not booking anything yet. The stockmarket is killing me at the moment, heh.

Someone stole all the lemons off my lemon tree. People are so wierd. And evil, but that's a story for another day.

Tadaaah

Our new vacuum!
Bagless, beltless, and #1 with Consumer Reports.
We fired the maids - story for another day - so we needed a vacuum. I have two cats and two teenagers, and anyone who deals with teenagers knows that you multiple the number living with you by four to get the size of the mess they and their friends make in your house. Before the maids we were going through vacuums every six months, hence the hiring of the maids - let them deal with the cat hair and teenage mess. Heh. Anyway, I brought this beautiful purple vacuum home, vacuumed up the family room and TADAAH, it's Beautiful!

Not much accomplished, yet

Bad news: Operation Pawn Shop came up with nothing, only one person knows what that means, but anyway, nothing. And there are a lot of fricken pawn shops in San Jose.
:-(

Good news, I just found a great vacuum at Sears, and I'm on my way there now to go buy it. "Happy... January 19th, Kids! Start vacuuming!"
:-)

Good thing I remembered my books.
I went to the website to order them and OF COURSE they have changed one of my professors from the Masters Guidance Councelor to some unknown professor who doesn't exist on RateMyProfessor or even Google.
The good news is, it looks like we'll be reading Great Gatsby, English Patient, Hamlet(BOO), and some poetry. No sign of Heart of Darkness!!!! This was the one class (Literary Criticism) where it was likely to come up, but it looks like I'll get away without reading it.

My Advanced Composition class was dropped, but that was not unexpected. However I am left with Chaucer, studied in Middle English, and taught by my semi-insane mythology professor. I want to rub my eyeballs every time I think about that class. In fact, as soon as I hit "Save" on this entry I'm going to go check, AGAIN, if there is a different class I can fit into my schedule.

The Age of Elizabeth class at least I know the professor will make it fun.
Spanish will be Spanish, I just have to get through this last class and I will be FINISHED.
It was definitely nice to converse easily in Mexico though, and to help Scott with his bargaining. But I really can't take any more language when I'm trying to concentrate on the rest of this.

And now I check for something to replace Chaucer.

Getting my head straight again

It's really hard to believe it's Friday ... you mean I get two MORE days off? It really seems like a Monday. The kids and I aren't even sure if they're supposed to be here or not... so they're just staying. I kind of think it's their dad's turn, but he hasn't called, and I want to stay home with them. So here they are.

Spike took excellent care of the house. The only problem I've found so far: something sticky was definitely poured all over this brand new keyboard. Anyone know how to clean under the keys?

Mexico was very nice. Not as hot as last time, around 85 degrees and breezy, and we visited no extremely poor villages this time. I was getting stressed out just thinking about leaving the ship and seeing what I saw last time, but we saw very different things this time. I will say that Zihuatanejo still bothered me, it's tough seeing people so dependent on Americans buying their crafts, but it wasn't as hopeless as that village in Puerto Vallarta and I had some hilarious conversations with a few of the Zihua locals. Also we had some really great food in Zihuatanejo and Comala. I loved Comala and could easily spend a nice long, quiet week there. In Acapulco we just did snuba diving from the island so we never really set foot on Acapulco and the madness we hear lies there. All in all this trip to Mexico was much nicer - but I still couldn't stand being there without the kids.

That said, our day in Old Town San Diego was pretty nice too. Just like Mexico only not as hot and everyone speaks English. Oh, and it's more expensive, haha, but not everywhere. I think San Diego has to be one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Scott (who wasn't so hot on cruiseship life) and I were thinking maybe next year we'll just stay in Cabo San Lucas, but yesterday I was thinking maybe just a stay in San Diego would do fine.

We'll see. This weekend we're going to rearrange some more furniture, possibly buy that new computer desk I've been wanting, and just getting organized. That's the plan anyway. Hopefully I'll be up for it. But I would love to have a fresh start before school starts on Wednesday. Nice clean computer desk, nice clean kitchen table.

Uh, which reminds me, I don't think I've even ordered my school books yet, DAMMIT. Aaaargh.

We are home

We arrived home yesterday, and I was really happy to be back and see my kids again.
Scott and I had a very nice time, I'll probably write about it later.

The one bad part - Scott and I went to walk around Old Town in San Diego yesterday because we had over six hour before our flight. And as soon as we arrived, I remembered - Fricken KIM lives right here and I have no way to get ahold of her! Blasted! Missed her again!!!

Otherwise, I am happy to be home, and very very very happy to be with my kids again.

I fly to San Diego tomorrow morning and cruise to Mexico! YAYYYYY!

This storm is a little out of hand, in my opinion. It's no hurricane Katrina by any means, but this time it's not just Californians whining because our windshields are wet. This is some major craziness - and sirens non-stop outside. My lawn is a gigantic puddle, which is pretty amazing because we live in the foothills, on a slope. It shouldn't be possible for our grass to be submerged!

Last night the wind blew in our double front doors, busting the lock that secures the second door, and nothing will keep it closed now. We have the front doors now barricaded with:
2 Dining room chairs
1 HP Printer in the box
1 Basket of Laundry
1 Big heavy piece of wood

So far, they are staying closed now. But I'm not sure how we're supposed to get in or out of our house. The power went out last night but has been up today so far.

I am NOT driving to Aptos today. Heh. No way no how.

The cats are not happy either. "The HELL I'm going outside. You want me to do what? YOU go pee outside."

It does not make me happy to know that Scott is working out in this mess. I hope he stays safe and I hope he doesn't get sick.

Mexico in five days!

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