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Mocksie's mother died. My heart is breaking for her.

Go MEEEE

Today in swimming I swam 82 laps!!!!! YAYYYYYY
That's over a mile!

I just flipped my calendar to May, and on Tuesday May 2 it says "11am, T & P".

What the heck is T & P??? I don't know!!!
There's nothing on my work calendar about it, and I have no idea what it means.

If someone knows, like you remember me talking about something that may be T & P... Please help!

TV Addict

Okay, I really wouldn't say I'm addicted to TV, I'm more using it as a great escape from Reality. Too much going on and only ten days until that house must be ready for people to come see it. And a 750 word essay due Monday and a 6 page research report due 2 weeks later. I went to pay the painters yesterday and they really did do a great job on the house. Also, the house is a lot closer to being finished than I remembered from when we moved the furniture on Tuesday. So that is good. I just have such limited time left - the weekend of May 5 I'm out of town for a wedding, not exactly something I can reschedule. So this is the last weekend I have left... but I was supposed to see Scott, and I should cancel but I haven't seen him in a very very long time (2 months?), and a long distance relationship is one thing, but never seeing your boyfriend EVER is a whole different thing. We are going to dinner tonight. I will have to explain that with an essay to write and a house to prepare, I will have to cancel, AGAIN. Sighhhh... It's not that he'll get mad, he won't, it's more that I really miss him and could use some time with him, but again I still have to write that essay so I suppose this whole thing is pointless, I just have to cancel again. This won't go on forever, right? Eventually we can see each other again.

Okay, so I don't know where that paragraph came from, I totally came here to talk about TV shows. So here we go, here are my current favorites as of this week:

America's Next Top Model: This is so deliciously stupid and silly and high schoolish that it's possibly my favorite show of all time. At the moment. Buffy and I have been driving Spike UP THE WALL as we watch episode after episode that the DVR has recorded. We've now watched all episodes but Season 4. And I have to say, not only were the Season 5 girls the very prettiest of all, but Season 6 still is REALLY a bunch of fuglies in comparison. My favorite contestant was crazy drunk Lisa from Season 5. At first I was horrified by her but face it, her pictures ROCKED and I have no idea why she was cut (I was shocked, SHOCKED, when they sent her home), and she really was never maliciously mean. Just crazy. With a capital C, R, A, Z and Y. And drunk, yes. And I would have killed her if I had to live with her, but as television goes? Lovely. For the record, Buffy's favorite of all time is lesbian Kim from the same season.

Dr. 90120: Buffy and I so love Dr. Rey that we'd probably get plastic surgery just to meet him. Only not. I think he may be a little more of a dick in real life than they're showing, but maybe not, because the editors do a really good job of hiding it. But seriously, what kind of husband doesn't even notice that his wife has shrunk to 88 pounds until she TELLS him??? I think he's probably not a dick, just really self absorbed. But still, we love him. I could still do without the close up shots of surgery, but I really wanted to take a drive to his office in LA and take a picture when we were on vacation. We were close by, but Spike wasn't really having any of it and said he wanted no part of the stalking of Dr. Rey, so I gave him a break. Next time though, pictures galore.

Blow Out: I would never in a million years work for Jonathan as I would probably commit homocide on the job. The guy is so incredibly arrogant and full of himself, but again, great entertainment. And so I record every episode and love it. His salon is another storefront I wanted to photograph on our trip, but no big deal. I would give anything to come out of that salon with hair like he does, but I get the feeling they only do the hair of beautiful people, heh.

The Real Wives of the OC: I kind of really like this show even though I don't really like most of the wives. I cannot stand Vicki, in real life I would avoid that woman at all costs or probably intentionally do something to hurt her feelings. Is that awful? I can't stand fake people and she practically admits she's fake and also... WHAT'S WITH RUBBING HER LOTIONED BACK ALL OVER HER SON'S FRIENDS???? GROSS! GAG! BARF! I try to imagine doing that to one of Spike's friends and my mind won't even GO there. DISGUSTING and NOT a good mother! Her pathetic friend who works with her gets on my nerves too, though I really like her son (the one from juvenile hall) and her youngest daughter. She deserves what she got with her oldest daughter. I think my favorite wife is Jo, mostly because she's totally NOT fake. She is who she is, which is a 24 year old woman - if she wants to party all night, she has a right to, as she's not a 40 year old mother who's trying to pretend she's 24 and single. Her fiancee is a dick and I hope they stay apart forever. Jo deserves better and I have no doubt she'll be a good wife to a man who wants an actual wife, and not a "live in stay at home mom" which is what her stupid asshole fiancee said he wanted. I also love Jeana but they hardly ever show her. And the other one, with the skin cancer? People, if you have been diagnosed with so many melanomas, why would you wear NOTHING but tiny little tank tops and expose as much skin to the sun as possible? Any doctor will tell you that SPF 100 is not going to completely protect you. So while I only dislike her a little, I have no sympathy for the whining if she wants to show off her fake boobs more than she wants to avoid skin cancer.

Top Chef and Next Network Food Star (or whatever it's called): Love them both. Was so relieved to finally see that whacko Steven go home. I loved Nathan from Network Food, but I also loved that Guy won. I would totally watch his show. Also I would totally watch Nathan all day and night if I knew where he lived. There I go with the stalking again.

You see now why I need some time with Scott? Hee.

And that's about it folks.

Okay, I'm better now.

Still crying sometimes

I miss my mom lots this week, and haven't been doing that great without her.
I don't know why, but there's been lots of crying. I guess part of it is because her house is almost empty now, and that sort of cuts off the last connection to a previous life where I could go visit my mother. Mother's day is coming up, and that will be my first without her. The pressure of completing everything that needs to be completed is probably getting to me still.

And yesterday I picked up my cap and gown. That was something I would have immediately called her about, so I could hear her celebrate with me, and be proud of me. And walking back to my car with the package in my hand I just got really really sad and missed her so much. She died just one semester too soon. She wanted to see me graduate so badly. And she should be here. And part of me felt that she was right there with me, but ya know, it's just not the same, I cannot hear her voice.

I miss her lots, and the cryng isn't over yet, and I'm very sad and I want my mom.

Sleeping Buffy is a Good Buffy

Buffy just had a wisdom tooth removed and she's sleeping soundly in my bed. Typical of Buffy she was terribly excited and couldn't wait to have her "surgery". She was put to sleep and it took an hour to dig out the tooth that was deep inside but blocking the tooth that needs a root canal. As soon as she has healed from this then she finally gets the root canal that caused all this trouble to begin with.

For now she's in good spirits and sleeping. Hopefully she stays that way for a while.

Scheduled Termite Inspection for Tuesday... Check
Scheduled Property Inspection for Tuesday... Check
Obtained half price charge for inspections after talking to former boss... Check
Called lawyer, got some questions answered, forwarded almost-complete spreadsheet of bills... Finally... Check!
And next on the list for this evening:
Go buy more boxes, more f***ing boxes
Go to my college bookstore and purchase... My cap and gown! And Tassle! and GRADUATION ANNOUNCEMENTS!!!

Anyone else want an announcement? Just send me your address. WOOOOOOO!

We are safely back home, and I just realized that my last couple posts never posted and have disappeared. Ah well.

So Saturday we woke up and had breakfast and rested, then took another last trip to Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash - "Steve-Dave" was there again, and so was Scott Mosier's dog: funny looking but incredibly sweet and loving. Spent a lot more money, took a picture of Bryan (Steve-Dave), talked with him some more, went to lunch and finally drove home.

Sunday was spent unloading my mom's house with help from Spike's friends. It's still not done, it's like a never ending hole of stuff to pack up, but I'm not overwhelmed and it's getting there, box by box.

That vacation was the best thing I ever could have done for myself. As hectic and non-restful as it was, it was finally some quality family time that got my mind off of things. I can face all the work ahead now.

When we got home my graduation packet was waiting for me. Anyone who would like an announcement, just send me your address.

I am ready to work now.

Started off at the breakfast buffet, waffles, eggs, bacon, very fresh orange juice and... Folgers coffee... blech. Heh.
Went to La Brea Tar Pits and had lots of fun... One of my favorite parts was a sign by the door to the atrium: "Birds are nesting. Beware of aggressive behavior." We couldn't wait to see some aggressive birds, especially after seeing all the condor and vulture skeletons in the museum, but all we really saw were a whole lotta turtles. I mean, turtles EVERYWHERE. They were cute, and sunning themselves. But I have never seen so many. We did have fun though, and the kids liked it, and we got more cool stuff at the gift shop, like geodes and things.
Drove to Hollywood Boulevard per request of the kids. I personally hate Hollywood Boulevard. It's just a dirty, scummy, overpriced downtown street, emphasis on dirty and scummy. The kids had an okay time, but it just made me antsy, as if we were wasting our precious little vacation time.
Drove to the Farmers Market on 3rd and Fairfax, and had a great time there. I gotta say, everything I suggested to the kids they hemmed and hawed and failed to look thrilled about, but once we were there they would have a blast. Spike didn't even want to leave the Farmer's Market, and we all wished we had just followed mom's suggestion to eat lunch there instead of walking up and down Hollywood Blvd looking for a place to eat that wouldn't require an immunization shot after. Charleen called my cell phone as we were placing an order at the candy shop, and she could hear us ordering 3 caramel apples, rocky road, chocolate haystacks, chocolate covered strawberries, etc. Heh. I got little tiny things for Charleen and Catie from the Farmer's Market - they're little but I like them a LOT, they're cute.
Went to The Grove next, an upscale shopping mall adjacent to the Farmer's Market. Had lots of fun there.

And then realized we were done right at 5:30pm - prime commute time in LA. Lovely. Took an hour to get back to the hotel.

Changed and cleaned up, and took the shuttle back to City Walk at Universal Studios. Just had time for last minute shopping and then dinner at Wolfgang Puck's. That was really good pizza.

Now we're back in the hotel again, resting up for a drive home tomorrow. Well, Buffy and I are resting, Spike is roaming the hotel grounds looking for something to do. That boy never sleeps.

And now it's time for sleep.

Dropped mega cash at City Walk in Universal Studios, but the kids got lots of good stuff, mostly clothes and Spike got some Guess cologne with free gym bag. Went to dinner at a GREAT Argentinian restaurant, LaLa's.
And now we sleep.

Tomorrow, the La Brea Tar Pits, and then Hollywood Boulevard.

In Hollywood

We're already exhausted, but having a great time. Waiting for the shuttle to arrive to take us to City Walk for shopping... The kids are so impressed that we met a movie star within 2 minutes of parking the car: Steve-Dave was working the counter at Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash. I almost cried I was so happy and excited. Buffy was devastated to hear we had JUST MISSED Kevin Smith, but we were all happy to be at the store, and Steve-Dave was pretty exciting too, and very nice. We spent way too much money there.

The shuttle is about to arrive, I must go.

Also, Buffy look MUCH better now... her face is all scabbed up but it's no longer swollen, so it really only looks like she did a face-plant skateboarding.
And we'll take lots of pictures and email them to Flickr for you all to see! So you'll know what we're doing from Thursday to Saturday!

AND, I forgot this, but we'll even have internet access there! So I can even write here too! So... I'll talk to ya'll tomorrow afternoon!

And now, I'm OUT!

WOOOOOOOOO

Registered Buffy for school, Check.
Got Honda Element back with all bells and whistles put on, Check.
Met painter at the house, Check Check Check!!!
Found correct paint color, gave him house key, arranged for him to paint next week and I don't have to be there, Check and Relief!
Took kids to mom's house and cleaned out a LOT, Check!
Went to mall to celebrate and buy Spring and Summer clothes and sandals and water bottles, Check!
Packed up car, Check!
Arranged for Salvation Army to pick up about 15 boxes on Monday, Check!

We are now... ON TRACK!!!
I only need to go buy about 15 more boxes (didn't realize there was so much stuff left in garage), throw almost everything into a box, drive it all to my house for the Salvation Army to pick up. We're going to do that on Sunday for Monday pick-up which was the earliest available so our vacation still fits in and is reasonable to take.

Now I can leave tomorrow morning at 6am and enjoy a much needed vacation and rest without feeling guilty. The kids worked hard today and deserve the vacation also. There is still much in the house, but it is control-able, and we can finish almost all of it on Sunday - and still be able to sleep-in that morning. Maybe a few short trips after work next week and I'm all done.

Thank you Thank you Thank you to Charleen from the bottom of my heart for allowing me this time off work.
Thank you to Catie and Hubby for helping start us out.
Thank you to Megs for wishing she could help.
Thanks for all your good wishes.

I can breathe now. We're going to be okay and I'll be able to finish. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And now we get ready to party in Hollywood.

Morning checks

Buffy registered for school... CHECK. and WOOOOO!

Now, get keys made for mom's house, purchase dolly, drag Spike and friend to help move.

The painter is driving me insane.

Wednesday

And now I'm feeling sick.
Doing too much, not doing enough, too much to do.

Today I spent most of the day doing my work assignments and waiting for the painter to call me.
The painter speaks no English by the way.
Or rather, he thinks he's speaking English, but he's really speaking Korean with every 50th word in English.

My car isn't ready yet, not until noon tomorrow.
I couldn't move my mom's stuff because I had to wait for the painter to call - there's no phone at my mom's house and there's no cell reception there, so I was stuck here.
I did get some stuff completed for the lawyer, and spoke to them about three times today.

We did sneak off to Circuit City real quick to get a wireless card for my laptop, then some books from Barnes & Noble to read on our trip.

The dentist called with an opening for Buffy, so we did that too. She gets a wisdom tooth pulled next week so they can get to the tooth that's hurt. I suppose that means I have to take another day off. Well, I worked 9 hours yesterday and six today, so I didn't actually take a whole week off. That didn't make things easier for me, but it was easier than actually being AT work.

So the painter finally called my cell phone when I was at the dentist with Buffy - my cell phone that barely gets reception, and we were right on the border of no cell reception at all.... so combine no reception with a Korean man pretending he's speaking English...

And what I THINK is happening... and I swear I don't know, I'm just hoping I got this right... I THINK that he's calling me tomorrow at 2pm to make meeting arrangements. I really hope I understood that.

But that at least leaves me open tomorrow to get some stuff done.

In the morning I register Buffy for school.
Take part in conference call for work.
Make copies of mother's house keys.
Drive Spike and friend to mom's house and start loading and unloading at the Goodwill.
My car should be ready at noon, pick that up.
Make sure I'm at my house at 1:30 to wait for painter to call.
Hopefully some time meet painter at mom's house to get estimate and give him a key.
Work on more probate paperwork.

If I don't get a great chunk of work done tomorrow I'm not going to be able to relax on vacation. I need to justify leaving. I think though that I can get enough done that if I finish up on Sunday, I'll have control of the situation.

Making a list, checking it twice

Took the Element in this morning to get the special parts put on... check.
Got a free rental truck from dealership so I could move stuff from my mom's... check.
Left the key to my mother's house on the keyring that the dealership has... check, and shit.
Called painter, meeting him this afternoon... check, and I guess I'll have to get that key back.
Called about registering the Buff for high school, again... check and to be completed tomorrow.
Finished two more assignments for work... check.
Spoke to attorney for quite awhile about what else needs to be done... check.

I am still stressed out about doing all this, but at least things are getting done. I think I'll feel much better after Wednesday.

Finished two work assignments, now have just 5 pending and 2 phone calls scheduled for tomorrow. I'll attend a meeting by phone on Wednesday, and then I think I'm finished.

Check, check, check.

Tomorrow I get a lot of check marks accomplished, so I will feel much better by then.

***** Oh, and it turns out that after Charleen's dad had fallen last week, apparently there was internal bleeding that the F---ing Kaiser doctors didn't find, so that's what was hurting him. The blood is all dried now, but he's staying in the hospital while they keep an eye on him and he may need a transfusion.

I'm telling you, I will do anything possible to make sure I never have to go to Kaiser again.

Another thing done

Turned in the extension for my parents' taxes, so that's done.
Called the consignment place, it will probably cost more to move the stuff there than we would make on it. So that may get donated also. I have to run pictures down there tomorrow morning.
Oh yeah, at 7:30 I have to be at the Honda dealership for them to put my extras on. Just another thing to do.

Still have work-work to do. It's going to take me the next three days just to finish the work after being assigned two more nightmare jobs today. That is really really stressing me out now, but little by little I'll get things done. Once again I'm "on vacation" but still working. Bah.

I will call the painters tonight, I suppose the house doesn't have to be completely empty for them to come.

Bah, this week isn't even enough time.

2 down, 57 to go

Well, Charleen kind of said "You're taking the rest of the week off now just shut up about it already," so now I have a few days to get things done.

Took Buffy to the doctor and got her some Zyrtec and Prednisone for her face, and Vicadin for her tooth. She sat in the waiting room while all the other sick kids stared at her, and I laughed. Heee. Troll. She was a good sport about it though.

Waited an hour at the pharmacy, but finally got our stuff and was out of there. She took her stuff and her tooth feels better and the swelling is going down, but she still has crud all over her face.

Came home and made reservations for the hotel. We're going on a real vacation!!!

Now I do some work, call the Home Consignment place, and get some more stuff out of my mom's house.

Tomorrow register Buffy for high school, take more stuff out of house, and hopefully meet some movers.

Wednesday do even more stuff.

Still way behind, but getting there.

***But Charleen's father is now being rushed by ambulance to the hospital for chest pains, so hopefully that's going to be okay. It seems her father never got the memo that no one's parents are allowed to be ill. For another 15 years or so. So think good thoughts for him.

Everyone stay out of my way today, seriously

Fucking dentist has absolutely no time to see Buffy until Friday, and won't prescribe pain medication because she hasn't been seen at that office before. This is an ongoing problem for 2-3 months now, and because no dentist in San Jose knows how to fix her tooth she has to just live her life with this pain??? So I have a 10:45 appointment with the doctor to see her poison oak and then I'm going to plead with them to give her something.

At this point if I don't get a vacation with or without the kids I am going to seriously snap.

Another lovely Monday

So Buffy has another toothache, the same tooth that's been hurting the last two months. Her father had her Xrays and the paperwork to call the new dentist but over an entire month of me calling him he never had one minute to call the dentist so now she has another toothache again. I'm not very happy with Buffy either as I told her every single day to get the Xrays and paperwork back from her deadbeat father so I could call them myself, but she slacked on that too, and now we have to go through this again. I'm sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on this. First, I'm furious with her father for doing NOTHING at all about this, leaving me to take time off work three times in 2 months to get her to appointments, but I'm also pissed off at Buffy because I nagged and nagged her every single day to get this taken care of before the toothache came back. And now I'm supposed to feel sorry for her? So now here I am working from home again waiting for the dentist to call me back to see if I can get her an emergency appointment.

But on top of that, she decided it would be a great idea to play in the creek this weekend, and now she has poison oak all over her face which is puffed up like a balloon.

She's a mess, and I feel bad for her, but I'm also furious that she brought BOTH of these things on herself, and now I have to take time out of my schedule - which has NO MORE TIME LEFT - to get this all taken care of. Again.

Wow. I don't know how we would have done it without Catie and her husband. My original plan was to move all the furniture with Spike, and then just have Catie and hubby help move boxes out. I don't know what I was thinking. Instead Spike and Catie-hubby did the heavy stuff while Catie and I packed boxes - a much more realistic plan.

It was good really, because instead of picking up every little thing and thinking about it and wondering if I should put it into the Goodwill box, there was no time, I just threw everything in boxes while talking to Catie. Before I knew it all kinds of furniture was packed up and boxes were thrown on the truck. We said good-bye to Catie and hubby, and drove to the Goodwill.

There's still lots more stuff to take out of cupboards and to throw away. But a good portion is done, and I'm not so overwhelmed now. It should all be finished by next weekend.

Yay.

Also, Spike did great, and helped a whole lot all day. I love my son.

Saturday

Today I am cleaning out my mom's house. CatieCake is going to help me, and bringing along her poor husband too. Hopefully it won't be too much work, there's not that much left. I'm taking everything to the Goodwill. The rain won't stop here for a garage sale and the cost of storage would eat up any profit anyway. Some furniture is going to a consignment place, but we're not moving that stuff today.

It's kind of wierd packing up your parents' things to give away. I wonder about every little thing, would she want this given away? or kept?

Then I have to read a couple hundred pages and write an essay that's due tomorrow at midnight. I will be happy when all this stuff is over.

blah blah rain rain rain too much to do blah rain blah sell mother's house do her taxes clean my house rain rain rain rain rain blah blah blah.

So today would have been my parents' 41st wedding anniversary.
It makes me a tiny bit happy to know my mom didn't have to go through this day alone, she never had to spend an anniversary apart from him. I know they are somewhere happy together. Of all days, this would have been a much sadder day if my mom had remained alive.

Happy Monday!

Woooooo, I updated the journal! Not really feeling the writing today, but I got some stuff out at least.

For all the stupid whining and wailing and complaining and "sobbing" and threatening over things like carved chests from China and other assorted goods that BELONG TO OTHER PEOPLE...

I realized yesterday that my sister has not once asked where my mother's ashes are. They happen to be in a box on my bookcase on a shelf with her childhood rosaries draped around it. But eventually, when it stops raining, my aunt and I are going to take the ashes to the cemetary where my father is. My sister never attended that service, so she doesn't even know where my father is. And she's never asked. So she's sobbing and screaming about a wooden chest that doesn't belong to her, but has no interest in finding out where her dead mother is, or where she's going to go.

This is why I cut off all contact with her 20 years ago. None of this is a matter of her being grief-stricken, this is just the way she has always been. And the fact that she has not once in over five months asked the whereabouts of her mother's final resting spot just proves it.

Short Television Weekend

Since I was in Aptos this weekend I wasn't able to yet O.D. on bad television, but here is the small recap of what I did see:

The Simple Life: I truly hated this show when it was first on, and it's one of the reasons I shut the damn television off. Because like a true TV Junkie, I could not stop watching it even though it raised my bloodpressure and made me want to throw heavy things at the screen. But I tried it again this weekend anyway, watching ONE episode of one of the newer seasons. And while Paris and Nicole weren't as maddenly irresponsible and immature as they were before, the sheer obvious set up of some scenes was. I mean, it can't be "reality TV" if a camera just happened to be waiting outside on the dark abandoned dirt road when they have to bring the truck to a screeching stop because there's a moth in the cab. I mean, this was an obviously set up shot, and if that was, then what of everything else? At least this long break away will allow me to avoid this show from now on.

The Real Wives of the OC: I wasn't really impressed. I'll watch it again, because it wasn't as horrible as some things I've already seen, but watching spoiled, whiny, not-great mothers try to find ways to entertain themselves while not really taking care of their kids and then doing the Wives & Mothers Go Wild thing on their "girls only" cruises and trips to Mexico... I'm sorry, that's just not my thing.

Hogan Knows Best: See The Simple Life, above. Set-up conflicts and scenes. Not my thing.

Tuckerville: I saw this accidentally while at Scott's house, and while Tanya Tucker doesn't interest me enough to watch it again, I did enjoy it. She was likeable, her kids weren't totally UNlikeable, and she reminded me of me as a mother - Although I only watched one episode, so please don't crucify me if she's actually a horrible mother, heh. But if you're into Tanya Tucker, again, I've seen worse shows.

America's Next Top Model (Season 2): WOOOO, I love my dvr that just records everything I like, especially past seasons of shows I never got to see. I got to come home from Aptos last night and watch the entire second season (except for the first couple episodes) which was all recorded and waiting for me. This is the season with Yoanna, and the one where all contestants were a thousand times prettier than anyone on this current season.

So NoTorious: Okay, I never liked Tori Spelling. I never even liked her on the half season of 90210 that I watched oh so long ago. Just, never. However, you have to a tiny bit love a girl who can make such fun of herself and her family. And while I don't think this was the best show ever, it was humorous, and I am all about being able to laugh at yourself. So Tori is a good egg in my book.

And then I had to go to bed. Siiiighhhh....

I got to swim this morning! 60 laps today, until I was about to throw up.

Drove to Aptos and it's a BEAUTIFUL day today.

Received another email from my aunt, my sister has gotten herself written out of the will - the will she was just recently written IN to when my mother died. Stupid, evil, selfish, crazy girl. And my grandparents are still mad at her.

But my grandparents are having a surprise 65th Wedding Anniversary Party next weekend, and the kids and I and maybe Scott are all going to go.

Now I have to read Vindication of the Rights of Women and Aurora Lee for school and rest. Life is good right now.

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